It’s that time of year again! A time where parents the world over lose their freaking minds and spend more on a costume than they would on an entire outfit for themselves. Where all good sense goes out the window and they suddenly find themselves thinking $70 is reasonable for a nylon dress that will be worn for one night. Yes, my friends- we are nearing Halloween and I can already feel my inner cheapskate coming out.
Of course, Halloween costumes can be had cheaply and many parents are very creative at making their own without spending a lot of money. However, many retailers know there are parents desperate to make their little one look totally unique and amazing but have no crafting skills and to that end, the offerings for insanely pricey costumes for little ones are nearly limitless. I have taken it upon myself to gather some of the biggest offenders for you to gasp at. Behold- some of the worst and most wasteful Halloween costumes I have come across:
1. Roar Your Terrible Roar At These $80 Pajamas
This costume is essentially super comfy pajamas with a cheap-looking foil “crown”. For $80. That does not include the sign he will have to wear around his neck to tell people “I’m Max from Where The Wild Things Are” because you know most people will just think it’s a kid in pajamas and a cheap-looking foil “crown”.
2. This Is Cat-astrophic
Someone’s parents are about to be had! For the low, low price of $80, you too can own….black tulle. Oh, and a velour top and headpiece! Wait, how did this end up in my post? It’s a friggin’ bargain!
3. Includes Virtually Nothing!
For your $80 price tag, all you get is the dress. The jewelry, treat bag and even hat are not included. So you would probably be out more than $150 when all is said and done. Ironic since gumballs in real life are like, 25 cents.
4. A Web Of Lies
All I can think is that this website is catering to rich dummies who do not realize that a slightly less shiny version of this $90 costume can be had at Target for $28. Literally, exactly the same thing. Well, to the discerning eye of a 5-year old boy, at least.
5. I Vant To Suck Your Bank Account Dry
Considering your little blood sucker will be wandering around trick-or-treating in the dark, it seems a bit daft to spend $100 on this elaborate vampire costume. If your child owns a pair of black pants and a turtleneck it would seem that a cape could be found for under $30 and, voila. You will avoid a Transylvanian Travesty.
6. This Dress Is Laughing At You, Not With You
I am not the craftiest mom around but bring me a black sharpie and some orange tulle from the clearance section at Jo-Ann Fabrics and I’m pretty sure I can make this happen for less than it’s $80 price tag.
7. Robotically Ridiculous
All I have to say is that $100 could buy you a lifetime supply of tinfoil. And cardboard is free.
8. You Will Never Forget…How Much You Spent On An Elephant Costume For A 6-Month Old
$60 seems like a totally reasonable price to pay to watch your baby fuss their way out of the adorable hood and scream bloody murder until you release them from this sweaty, gray prison. Ele-fun!
9. Stop Looking At Me, Swan
If there is one thing I’ve learned in my time as a parent, it’s that little kids LOVE being totally overwhelmed by layers of fabric. Especially if it’s itchy and right up near their faces. Oh, and if it’s $70 that also helps make babies happy.
10. Goddammit Disney
For the completely reasonable cost of $130, you can prove to your daughter that you really do love her best. Never mind the fact that prom gowns can be had for less.