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Bad Mom Advice: Dogs Are Totally Stupid And Sucking Your Thumb Is The Best!

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You didn’t say what sort of activity it is so I don’t know if she is taking French lessons or ballet classes or whatever, but yes. Because you paid your hard-earned money and you could have used that to buy candy or lipgloss or something. Get all Tiger Mother on her about it because unlike dogs, sticking with an activity can actually teach your child responsibility. Now, I know, I know, it’s cold outside and if you are dragging your kid to whatever class she is totally bored with it isn’t a lot of fun, but think about the next time she wants to take a stupid class and now you can lord it over her about what a pain in the ass it was taking her to this current activity.

Dear Bad Mom, My daughter will be turning 7 tomorrow.  She still sucks her thumb.  Her dentist has advised us that she needs to stop.  She seems to be losing her baby teeth at a record-pace and we really would like the adult teeth to grow in normally without requiring expensive orthodontia. The thumbsucking has gotten the attention of both sets of in-laws and they’re suggesting some very old-school/Draconian ways of getting her to stop.  We’re shielding her and her thumbs for the moment. My question is:  Do you think disfiguring all her dolls with crooked teeth is an effective means of communication?

Break her arm. Seriously. I sucked my thumb until I was 11-years-old. No lie. I didn’t stop until I broke my arm riding my bike and I had a cast on my arm and couldn’t suck my thumb properly. It was awful! I think it’s good she sucks her thumb. Because it means you have raised a self-reliant little girl who doesn’t have to resort to outside means of comfort , like smoking Marlboros or popping Xanax. Mmmm.. Xanax. Anyway, stopping now may not mean she won’t need braces, her teeth are still growing and she may end up with orthodontics anyway, and I can pretty much promise you she won’t walk down the wedding aisle sucking her thumb. She will grow out of it. Tell your in-laws, in private, away from your daughter, that it’s frankly none of their business and you don’t know why it bothers them so much anyway. Their job is not to stop your kid from sucking her thumb, their job is to buy her expensive sweaters and put money into her college fund. And to babysit her on long weekends so you can take your spouse to a nice hotel. Your kid is sucking her thumb for a reason, whether she is doing it out of habit or as a means of comforting herself when she is stressed. As adults we all do shit to help us relax, whether that be yoga or double vodka tonics. And would you really want someone taking away your occasional vodka tonic? No. Why should your daughter be any different. Unless the thumb sucking is interfering with your kids day to day – her school and activities and usual playtime, than I say wait it out. Eventually some asshole kid will catch her doing it and make fun of her and she will quit on her own.

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