Childrearing

Trickle Down Tiger Mommying Is Starting To Affect My Child

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tiger momWhat may be even more difficult than having a Tiger Mom is being the mother of a daughter who has a friend who has a Tiger Mom. My daughter’s best friend at school is a girl – let’s call her Lauren – who has recently come to Canada from Beijing. Lauren is very sweet, very smart, and I’m happy that she and my daughter are friends.

But I became less happy about their friendship only last week, when both girls scored 14 out of 15 on a school math test. While I was thrilled that my daughter did so amazingly well – only the week before she got 7 out of 15 – my daughter told me that Lauren was very upset.

“She thinks that 14 out of 15 is bad. She says her parents are going to be mad at her. Is 14 out of 15 bad?” my daughter asked.

“Are you kidding me?” I responded. “Fourteen out of 15 is amazing!”

“Then why does Lauren think it’s bad?” my daughter asked.

Seriously, I would rather talk about sex than talk about strict parents – or any type of parents. I’m not judging how Lauren is raised, but it’s starting to affect how my daughter thinks about herself.

It was hard enough at the beginning of their friendship, when invitations went out for my daughter’s birthday party. Lauren, I was informed, had never gone to a birthday party before. “Can you believe that, Mommy? She has never been to a birthday party!” I had no idea what to say, because I’m not up on childrearing in Asian countries. Perhaps no one has birthday parties. Flash forward to me calling this mother frantically (she did not RSVP) because my daughter really wanted her best friend at her birthday party. It was clear, after all, that this girl really hadn’t been to a birthday party. (My daughter, as a gift, received a card. Don’t get me wrong. She got plenty of presents. I’m just pointing out the differences.)

Then there is the fact that my daughter is jealous of how well Lauren plays the piano. Lauren was asked to perform at a school function. “Well, how often does Lauren practice?” I asked my daughter. Apparently, unlike my daughter who has piano lessons once a week and may practice twice a week, Lauren has been taking piano lessons five days a week since she was 3 years old.

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