10 Lies We Tell Our Kids Because It’s Not Our Fault They Are Dummies

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liesI’ve admitted before that I lie to my kids. Constantly. This has been met with comments from people like “ZOMG you are a HORRIBLE mom and your are SCARRING your kids for LYFE (Because the people who usually say this kinda stuff also aren’t so great at spelling) and they will grow up and hate you FOREVER.”

Yeah, yeah, whatever, I still lie to my kids, and if they grow up and one day discover that I haven’t been telling them the truth about every single thing on this list and they hate me forever for it… OH WELL.

Listen, I can’t help it that kids are dumb. They just are. They are born that way! One of the awesome things about being a kid is that you are dumb, and that the adult humans in your life on occasion lie to you, and that one day you will grow up and have your own kids you can lie to. Circle of life, people!

I’m Putting It In Your Special School Papers Box 


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My kids bring home so many graded assignments and drawings and if I saved every single one I would have to rent a storage shed to put them all in. Sure, I save the best ones, but the rest get filed under “G” (For garbage)

 We Are Going To Bed Early Too 

And by “going to bed early too” I mean staying up late and playing video games and eating all the ice cream.

That’s Not The Cheese You Like  

This 19 dollar Pamigano-Reggiano cheese is not the cheese you like. The cheese you like is in the back of the refrigerator in the green can.

 They Probably Won’t Give You A Shot 

Even though I knew full-on when I made that checkup appointment.

 I Don’t Know Where it Is 

You must have lost that high-pitched screechy plastic whistle somewhere.

We Have The Door Locked Because We Are Paying Bills

It’s Dead

So many parents have confessed to this little fib. The cell phone? The iPad? The Kindle? All the batteries are dead. They all need to be charged. You cannot play right now.

 They Aren’t Open Today 


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So many parents have also admitted to this one. From places like Chuck E. Cheese to toy stores to parks that are just too far away. our kids favorite places keep very specific opening hours and sometimes just magically go out of business for no reason.

 It’s The Most Beautiful Thing I Have Ever Seen 

shutterstock_35594206(Photo: Anneka/shutterstock)

I do like when my kids bring home crafts they have made at school, but I don’t like them quite as much as I lead them to believe. I just can’t get super jacked over the 13th macaroni soup can pencil holder I own.

 Of Course I Missed You! 

Of course I miss my kids when they are at school or at a sleepover or playdate, but come on! I am too busy enjoying taking a bath without interruptions or enjoying the peace and quiet to really miss them. It’s not like that three hours they were gone is the same as them running off to join the Peace Corps for a few years.

(Photo: YuryImaging/shutterstock)