mom fun

Our Kids Are Creeps But Thanks To Maternal Instincts We’ll Never Know It

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shutterstock_101383837__1392837601_142.196.156.251Have you guys ever read the blog Moms Who Drink And Swear? Personally, I’ll read anything that has a sign that says “Welcome, F*&kers” on it – so I feel very at home there. Today, Nicole Knepper, genius creator of the blog asked a question that I’ve been thinking about all day; Is my child a genius or a creep?

Anyhoo…everyone thinks their kid is cute and funny and smart, but really not everybody’s kid is cute, funny or smart. Some kids are just…I don’t know, creepy. Like any parent, I have zero ability to be objective when it comes to my kids, because they are fucking mine and I don’t like to think they might possibly be all fucked up. There’s just so much potential for me to wreck them, am I right? Of course I am.

She’s right, isn’t she? Is there a mother on the planet who doesn’t think her kid is the absolute best? My 3-year-old is obsessed with farts right now. Every time he farts, he runs up to whomever is nearest to him and screams, YOU farted! I try to just quickly tell him not to say that and then ignore it, because I obviously don’t want to encourage this behavior – but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think it was cute. It’s adorable! See? I’m clearly not objective here.

Nicole mentions her daughter produced a hilariously creepy image out of a shot she took of her brother’s ingrown toenail. It’s like ingrown-toenail-meets-Beeker-meets-fire-and-world-domination. I’m totally creeped out by it. Her daughter? Nonplussed. Her? Well…

I don’t know if she’s full on creepy or an artistic genius. It’s like not knowing if your kid is a cute and funny imp or a filthy, creepy urchin, you know? I mean, she’s my daughter for fuck sakes! I just don’t know.

Ha! Oh my god. I have a three-year-old who loves “boobies” and farts so I think I know what she means here. Do we ever stop thinking our kids are totally adorable and recognize them for the creeps they might be?

I hope not.

(photo: Kiselev Andrey Valerevich/ Shutterstock)