Parents Describe What Sex After Kids Is Really Like in 13 Hilarious Tweets

A lot of things become harder after having kids, like eating candy without your kids begging for it, using the bathroom in peace, and watching television where the characters AREN’T animated and turn to the screen to ask you questions. But perhaps the most frustrating change is sex after kids (or the lack thereof). Remember those care free days of having sex where and whenever you want it? No? Me neither. And neither do these funny parents.

So, what is sex after kids really like, well, it’s a mix, according to these parents:

1. Sleep is sexy

"Somehow a nap seems sexier than sex." #momtruth #sexafterkids #thingsivereallysaid

— Dracula (@mavismouse1234) February 2, 2017

There’s nothing sexier than a well-rested partner.

2. If this isn’t #MomLife, I don’t know what is.

https://twitter.com/lifebeforemom/status/819717606840078337

Multitasking at its finest.

3. And this sums up #DadLife.

People think being a dad is just wearing cargo shorts and making lame jokes but you also got to have sex at least once and that was cool.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 26, 2016

Focus on the joy of cargo shorts.

4. The timing has to be just right.

#sexafterbaby is like being an earth bound space shuttle. If "reentry" is 3am u go for it or miss window & spend another week in orbit.

— jlamarsh44 (@jarman44) December 12, 2011

I was told there would be no math.

5. She has a good point

Dear parents who photograph their children napping or set up dinosaur scenes while their kids are sleeping: You should be having sex.

— Sarah Thyre (@SarahThyre) November 20, 2013

Or at least, you know, also napping.

6. We love it when you talk dirty.

Husband: "Talk dirty to me."
Me: "Okay, the laundry, the dishes, the kids, the house…" #parenting #sexafterkids #dirtytalk

— Baby Monologues (@babymonologues) July 29, 2016

But that wasn’t exactly what we had in mind.

7. This is my “feeling sexy” outfit.

https://twitter.com/ashleyaustrew/status/690696435042365440

And I’m not wearing any underwear (because I haven’t done the laundry).

8. When you decide to really put in the effort.

Foreplay for a stay at home mom… Telling your your spouse "I had a shower today…" #married life #sexafterkids

— Kim Stringfellow (@Mamastehome) March 13, 2016

You even shaved your legs.

9. Texting is decidedly less-hot.

Be sure to keep the spark alive by texting him sexy little nothings like,

"We need to check the kids for lice" and "please buy tampons".

— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) August 10, 2016

“Can you pick up some Vagisil?” “Where are the nose hair clippers?”

10. You’d better work fast.

Hubs: Kids are still asleep! Know what that means?

Me: We have to be quick!

*Runs to the hidden box of Cocoa Puffs and pours 2 big bowls*

— Ash (an female) ⚪️ (@adult_mom) March 20, 2016

Love is sharing forbidden snacks.

11. Remove the tiny hazards.

https://twitter.com/Gooooats/status/624051169292226562

Don’t think about the cars all over the floor.

12. And the big hazards, too.

https://twitter.com/TheGladStork/status/693178127170822144

I just spent 20 minutes folding that!!!

13. I think she’s talking about us.

So sick of blog posts with titles like: Parents tell what sex is really like after having kids.

I'm over here thinking, "There's sex?"

— Julie (@notquiteJulieT) June 1, 2016

I see what you did there.

What is sex after kids like for you in your relationships? Let us know in the comments!

Also read:

• What Is the Recommended Vaccination Schedule for Babies and Children?
• This Baby Product Gets a Bad Rap and a Few Side Eyes, But It’s Hands Down THE Best
• Mother Horrified to Find Livestream Footage of Her Daughters’ Bedroom Online

(Image: iStock / YakobchukOlena)