I Breastfeed For All The Men Out There Who Don’t Have The Internet And Can’t Google Boobs

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Why do I breastfeed? For men. Duh.

Sure, my infant child gets nutrition out of the deal and stays alive, and that is a bonus – but the real reason I breastfeed is because I am an exhibitionist. Also, I know there’s a man out there whose internet connection in his mom’s basement is spotty at best, and he need to see boobs, too. I’m doing it for him, obviously.

The internet understands my plight. There was a story about breastfeeding moms who took over an Oklahoma park and held a breastfeeding demonstration. Some may think that these women were protesting society’s ridiculous sexualization of the most normal, necessary practice in the world. Nope. I’m sure these moms don’t care a lick about that. They really just couldn’t shake the thrill that publicly showing the tiniest glimpse of their nipples gives women. It’s really a rush I can’t describe.

The following comments really illustrate how much society as a whole understands women, biology, and nurturing. We are not feeding our babies! We’re getting a sick thrill out of flashing our boobs. WE DO IT FOR THE MENZ!

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Seriously! Have some decency! I know your baby’s mouth and head is totally covering up your entire breast, and the general public can only imagine what your boob looks like – but feeding an infant is gross. Cover up!


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Breastfeeding moms – you’re pervert bait. Don’t you care about safety?

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Your kid isn’t special. Stop feeding him. What the hell do you have to prove by feeding your child when he’s hungry? Men like staring at boobs – that’s “their thing.” So is peeing everywhere.

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Breasts are for men’s entertainment! Breastfeeding is not entertaining, though. Feel free to dress as skimpily as you like normally – just don’t show even the smallest portion of your breast if you are using it for its intended purpose. That’s just weird.

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Did you hear that, ladies? Stop taking your boob out and just plopping it out there. We all know you do that, right? Just plop it out there? NO? Oh.

These comments are a horrifying refreshing reminder that society is completely clueless about really understands breastfeeding.