Stuff

I Think I Just Found The Worst First Date, Ever

By  | 

shutterstock_23613127One of the best things about finding someone you love and settling down is the belief that you’ll never have to date again. It’s only my opinion – but I hate dating. The thought that I may never have to do it again warms me to the core. Reading the story of one woman’s horrible date solidifies my position. I think I found the worst date, ever.

Brianne Coots says her date with Tyler Siegel started out fine. They went for a walk in the woods. But at some point they heard a rustling in the bushes and a man jumped out at them with a large knife. Coots says she immediately took off running, went over a cliff, and called 911.

When police arrived Siegel emerged from the woods with cuts. The police thought the cuts were “suspiciously shallow.” Siegel broke under questioning – admitting he staged the attack so he could rescue his fair maiden. How romantic.

The best part about this story is that the woman went off a cliff. Oh my. Can you imagine what was going on in her date’s head? I’m thinking it was something like, Wait! Don’t go off that cliff! I have to rescue you and I’m way to much of a coward to jump off after you! Damn. Foiled again.

Coots told ABC News, “I could have easily broken something going off of that cliff. So I was definitely very upset. If you want to impress somebody, impress them with the good stuff you can do, I mean you could buy people flowers, have a good job, have a good education.”

Did you hear that, men everywhere? Flowers – yes. Education – yes. Good job – yes. Staged attack by crazy knife-wielding person in the woods – no. This totally upstages my worst date ever. It was in the 90’s and he showed up wearing a fanny pack, Z Cavaricci’s, and driving gloves. He then took me to a stereo store. That was our date. It was a dream date compared to this poor woman’s encounter.

Like I said – please God, may I never have to date again.

(photo: joshr/ Shutterstock.com)