Hilariously Irate Responses To The Vagina Cookie ‘Hoax’

There are vagina cookies all over the internet and people are very disturbed.

It’s not real!

There’s no proof!

It’s a hoax!¬†

This isn’t journalism!

Every time I have written about baked goods shaped liked vaginas the story goes viral. Do you know why? Because it turns out people love looking at vaginas on the internet. And the baked goods version makes vaginas somehow okay to look at in mixed company; amongst friends and at work. We’re all used to looking at phallic things daily, so this is kind of a special treat.

Take that patriarchy!

I’m sure by now you’ve read the story that originated on Reddit about the second grade teacher who turned down an offering of delicious cookies frosted to look like vaginas. Just in case you haven’t, here is a recap:

Teacher’s class is doing great. Teacher agrees to let parents bring in treats on Fridays. One parent gets especially excited for the “opportunity” as she calls it, and delivers some exquisitely frosted cookies to teacher’s class. They look like vaginas. Teacher is disturbed. Mom is more disturbed, because she cannot for the life of her understand why you wouldn’t give a second grader a cookie with buttercream labia on it. We don’t have photographic evidence, so I use Pinterest to guess that they looked like this:

vagina-cookies
Pinterest/ dangerouslee.biz

or this:

vagina-cookies
Pinterest/ createdbychance.blogspot

or this:

04039c3ccfecffdf904f2f7682cdb7bd
Pinterest/ misscakehead.bigcartel.com

(Yes, I realize some of these are cupcakes – but these baked goods are hard to come by.)

Mom storms out of class. Teacher wipes buttercream labia off cookies and still hands them out to class because teachers are totally underrated and she is also a genius. Mom doesn’t appreciate her efforts, also is pissed that she didn’t get a chance to educate second graders about vaginas — sends three texts, filled with crazy. She starts with how horrible a woman and educator the teacher is for “denying important education to our future leaders,” and ends with wishing the teacher will experience domestic violence. Nice.

The whole thing is so absurd that the story starts to circulate. And circulate. And it doesn’t go away. And people get sick of it and start insisting it’s a fake. Snopes claims it’s authenticity is “undetermined.” (By the way, I’m fairly sure Snopes is just a bunch of dudes in their underwear Googling stuff. Who made Snopes the be-all-end-all when it comes to determining if stuff on the internet is true?)

Screen Shot 2014-09-25 at 9.34.25 PM

“Vagina Cookies Controversy”? Really?

We start getting tweets like this:

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And I start getting emails like this:

Screen Shot 2014-09-25 at 9.27.00 PM

Hmm. I don’t know. Maybe because this is a parenting blog that writes about funny anecdotes we see on Reddit all the time. It’s fluff. It’s fun. It’s funny. Could this Reddit user have made this whole thing up? Sure. It’s possible, I guess. Anything is possible. There’s no names used so I’m not sure why anyone would get irate enough about it to send me an email. Nevermind — people send me irate emails all the time. Spoiler alert: I laugh and take screen shots.

The Reddit user who posted the original thread about the story adds this update:

vagina-cookie-hoax

I’m inclined to believe him/her because I can’t understand why someone would take the time to make up this story, update it, and answer questions on Reddit for days.

So let’s hear about how angry the Great Vagina Cookie Hoax Of 2014 is making people.

vagina-cookie-hoax

Really? Have you watched CNN lately?

Screen Shot 2014-09-25 at 10.00.28 PM

I’m a feminist. This story is not hurting feminism. I seriously doubt JPStudly is sitting in his underground lair, trying to mastermind viral stories to take down feminism. I know! I’ll make a crazy lady bring vulva cookies to school! Take that, feminists! Anyone who would believe the irate vulva-loving cookie mom is representing feminism, doesn’t understand feminism, anyway.

vagina-cookie-hoax

More outrage at “unverified” vagina cookies. The media has fooled the world.

vagina-cookie-hoax

Give the people what they want. Vulva cookies.

So, I think the vagina cookie story is real. If I’m wrong, I’ll bake a batch and bring them to my son’s preschool. KIDDING.

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