Unbearable: Playing The Waiting Game While Trying To Conceive

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Having a child is usually a happy time in a woman’s life. Unfortunately, as we wait longer to have children, infertility and trouble conceiving can become a part of the family making process. Unbearable addresses these difficulties.

For the next 60 days, I have to do something that feels completely unnatural to me. Honestly, it’s weird to even talk about. I have to stop trying to get pregnant. I know, right? Due to my recent medical issues, my OB has given me very serious warnings about the risks of conceiving too soon after a miscarriage. Suddenly, I find myself worrying about things that I hadn’t considered in years… like birth control. My fertility tests are sitting useless underneath my bathroom sink. I don’t need to get pregnancy tests when I run to the grocery store this weekend. And now, even though I’m a day late for monthly cycle, I have nothing to get ridiculously excited over.

I won’t lie, there’s a couple things about not trying to get pregnant that are fun. I’m actually drinking a beer as I write this post. Let’s not tell my editors. And if you know that there’s no way you’re pregnant, you don’t have to worry about the crushing disappointment that comes with each month. I can appreciate that.

More than anything, this break from my TTC struggle has made me realize what a huge roll waiting plays in infertility. Even though I’m waiting longer than normal, this whole 90-day no baby thing feels pretty consistent with the last year and a half of my life. Ya know, minus the birth control and booze part.  Seriously, the more you think about it, the more you’ll realize that “hurry up and wait” is a huge part of the “trying to conceive process.” Don’t believe me? Look at all the ways we wait.

  • Waiting for peak ovulation. Sorry Hunnie! It doesn’t matter if you’re in the mood now. I peed on the stick and it’s not time yet. And no! We can’t have sex every night! All the experts say that every other night is best. You know this! If we got it on yesterday, you had better just think of your grandma and baseball until tomorrow.
  • Waiting for the results. There’s this week and a half in between your peak ovulation and the day that you can start taking “early reading” pregnancy tests. During that week, I question every cup of coffee, often convincing myself that I should leave it alone. I stop eating sushi or soft cheese. I do all the things that a pregnant woman might. Then, I get really mad at myself for changing my habits, which only gets my hopes up. This might be the most intense and conflicting of the waiting periods.
  • Waiting in that damn uncomfortable fetal-like position after sex. Alright, whether this stupid pose works or not, let’s all admit that we sit there with our legs scrunched up to our chest hoping to help gravity and those damn sperm find their way. It’s ridiculous and you feel like an idiot. But you do it. Definitely the most obnoxious waiting.
  • Waiting to try again. This is my first encounter with waiting to try again, but it can be pretty common. After failed in vitro attempts or other tragic losses like mine, our bodies need time to prepare for the next step. It’s an awkward in between and there’s no way to feel comfortable with three hopeless months.
When my OB told me that I needed to get on birth control for the next couple months, I almost wanted to laugh in her face. It took nineteen months to get pregnant this time and you’re worried about ninety days? I thought. Absurd! But I guess I just wasn’t ready for another round of waiting. You would think that I would be used to it by now.