Unbearable: Meeting My Sister’s Newborn Made Me Cry

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woman cryingHaving a child is usually a happy time in a woman’s life. Unfortunately, as we wait longer to have children, infertility and trouble conceiving can become a part of the family making process. Unbearable addresses these difficulties.

Ever since I found out that my sister was pregnant, I’ve been a little nervous about her delivery. I didn’t expect any complications.  I figured that my beautiful sis would be her strong and remarkable self, and then we would have an adorable baby boy to welcome into the family. But I was extremely concerned about the emotional craziness that labor and delivery might stir in me.

My sister and I are very close. We’ve been with each other for each birth. I was there six years ago when her epidural only worked on half of her body, an oddity that made a repeat showing at this year’s festivities. She held me through my epidural when my daughter’s father was absent and infuriating. I knew that I would be there when she brought her new bundle of joy into this world.

But the last time that I held her hand through this monumental experience, I wasn’t even thinking about my own children. I was simply excited for my sister. This time, I’m desperately trying to have my own baby. And I really didn’t want my emotional baggage carrying in with me when I stood beside my sister for her big day.

Honestly, in the weeks up to her delivery, I was terrified about crying in the delivery room. I was afraid for my emotional stability. I didn’t think I would do anything rash or lash out at my sister’s happiness, but I worried about turning the experience negative. I didn’t want my infertility to be the baby elephant in the room. I even considered sitting this one out, letting my mother and my brother-in-law support my sister. Of course, they would be there no matter what. Without me and my emotions, I thought it would be easier for my sister.

Then, the big day rolled around. My mom called me at 7am to let me know that they were at the hospital. I rushed my daughter to daycare and headed over to the birthing center, still a little unsure of what I was going to do. I started out encouraging my brother-in-law to eat something and trying to convince my sister to get some rest if she could. The entire scene felt comfortable and excited.

When the big moment came, I was so overcome with joy and excitement for my sister, there wasn’t a thought to spare for myself. It didn’t matter what I had been worrying about, but that day wasn’t about me.

When my nephew was born, I burst into tears. But it wasn’t sad or negative, I wasn’t thinking about my own quest to have a child. I cried because one more beautiful little boy was born into the world that day. I cried because two loving and amazing parents got to meet their son. I cried because I love my family and I was thrilled for them.

There were a lot of tears that day, but none of them sad or inappropriate. In fact, it was the most natural thing in the world, to greet a beautiful baby with tears of joy. And as much as I worried about the experience beforehand, it had the amazing power to restore my faith and hope in this journey to have another baby.

(Photo: Hi-In)