Mom Enters Unborn Baby In Beauty Pageant Based On Ultrasound, Needs Better Hobbies And Values

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Prenatal beauty pageant entryI’m not one to judge, but I think it’s fair to say that baby beauty pageants are a nonsensical cesspool of narcissism and ignorance. Now, that’s just one opinion. However, there is a story out today about a six-week-old who was named runner up in a competition her mother entered her into before she was born. So, I’m going to go ahead and call that Exhibit A.

British mother Amanda Collins says that she knew her unborn baby was meant to be in beauty pageants since she had her 20-week ultrasound. In an article in the Sunday Post
that: “As soon as I saw her image on the screen at my antenatal session I knew she was a stunner. I always knew that I was carrying a girl and a beautiful one at that.” Most parents can probably relate, having felt this way about their own child’s ultrasound photos in which they look like every single other baby in every other ultrasound image ever.

But Collins knew that a childhood where her daughter’s appearance would be her most prized quality was the one for her child, and entered her in the UK Princess and Prince International Beauty Pageant. Apparently, pre-natal entries are not uncommon, and her entry was accepted. Months later, when her daughter, Luna, was six-weeks-old (so they’d had a chance to hose her off and stuff) she was named runner-up in the competition.

“Congratulations, baby! You’re the first least ugly baby in our competition. We’ll go ahead and put that award at the back of the closet, shall we?”

The best — and by best I mean most horrifying — part of this story in Collins’ justification for entering her baby in beauty pageants. It’s the tried and true excuse of, “but she loves it.” That’s sadly ignorant when you’re talking about preschoolers. When you’re talking about a baby, it becomes ridiculous. But Collins believes that Luna is super into all of this:

“Luna just beams at the judges and loves all the attention…

All she has to do is lie in my arms and smile as I stroll down the catwalk. She’s enjoying every minute of it and so am I and that’s what really matters.”

She’s less than six-months-old. She also enjoys primary colors and walls.

It’s pretty clear that it’s Collins who enjoys strolling down the catwalk and getting all of the attention because a) we’re talking about a baby, here, and b) Luna can’t walk. Luna is happy because her mom is paying attention to her. The only reason she might miss being on the pageant circuit is if stopping takes away the primary reason her mother spends time and energy on her; otherwise, she’d be just fine. In the meantime, we’ve got babies growing up believing that their looks are what makes them special, that the best thing about them is something they have no control over, and that beauty is a competition. Fantastic. These are great values for children. The parents of the babies who will one day be bullied by your little princesses thank you.

But since we’re already heading in this direction, I would like to announce that I am accepting entries for the first Pre-Natal International Regal Majesty Princess Royal Angel Face Beauty Pageant. Send me your unborn’s best ultrasound image (note: no uggos or fatties, please) and I will select a winner based on spinal structure and eyehole symmetry. Good luck!!

(Photo: Twitter)