10 Times You Should Never, Ever Breastfeed In Public

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Now that we have figured out how you can’t compare whipping out your dick in public to breastfeeding, even I know that there are times that you should never, ever, ever attempt to breastfeed in public.  I have compiled this handy dandy list for you, so feel free to print it out and carry it around with you so that you can refer to it as needed.

10 Reasons You Should Never Breastfeed In Public

1: You’re A Dude 

Even though men can breastfeed, with all of the shit women get for breast-feeding in public, you shouldn’t public breastfeed if you’re a man because you would have to deal with all of the nonsense women get when simply trying to feed their kid.

2: Your Baby Just Ate 

It’s like waking a sleeping baby, which you should also never do. if your kid isn’t hungry, don’t feed them.

3: There Is Some Weirdo Taking Snaps Of You 

Recently, a mom dining at a Chik Fil ‘A (Mmmm… hater chicken) had some woman take a snap of her breastfeeding her kid in public, added some snarky comment, and the photo made the rounds of Facebook. Lame.

 4: The Only Place To Nurse Is Some Skanky Bathroom.. Or Your Car 

Screen Shot 2014-06-18 at 9.49.34 AM


Basically, do the exact opposite of what the dude above says.

5: You Are Driving

(Image: Hobomama)

(Image: Hobomama)

Hobomama was only pretending to nurse her baby
while driving a car (Hilarious) but sadly, there have been cases of moms trying to nurse while driving. You probably should not do this.

6: You Don’t Wanna 

You don’t hafta if you don’t wanna.

7: You Are With Your Mother-In-Law And She Tries To Make You Use This To ‘Be Discreet’



Because um no. Just drag her to an even more public, crowded space and then feed the baby.

 8: Because You Are Eating And You Want To Finish Your Food Without Stopping To Feed The Baby 

Considering you are producing milk for another human, go ahead and finish your sandwich before feeding the baby.

9: You’re At Church 

(Image: gawker)

(Image: gawker)

Actually, no, screw that, you should totally breastfeed in church and if your pastor acts the way this one did about breastfeeding, find a new damn church to attend.

10: You Are Busy Doing Something Else 

You shouldn’t breast-feed in public if you are carrying a bunch of shit or are super busy doing something else. You should wait until you have time to feed the baby*.


*I believe in breastfeeding on demand, but most babies can wait a few minutes until you have time to feed them.