8 Parents Tell Me Where They Found Their Baby’s Umbilical Stump

Yesterday when I wrote about 10 Disgusting Things That Will Happen To You As A Parent No One Tells You About the conversation turned to one of my new favorite topics ever, which is  WHERE DID YOU FIND YOUR UMBILICAL STUMP? Even the term “umbilical stump” is creepy. And despite the fact that many parents are too fully aware that eventually the stump falls off, a lot of us seemed to misplace them when that blessed creepy moment occurred. My lovely and brilliant friend Blair, and I use the term “friend” loosely because I pretty much think Blair only tolerates me because Koa Beck makes her, was all too happy to indulge me when I wanted to spend part of my afternoon discussing umbilical stumps. Because that’s what friends are for (Bonus points if you started singing this right now and I am dedicating this to Blair and all of you parents who had umbilical stump mishaps)

And everyone needs to rush over to STFU Parents to see the umbilical cord in the shape of a heart. Because hilarious. And vomit.

Scott Anderson wins the award for most disgusting comeback ever, because I am actually a big fan of the MILK DUD and thank you for ruining this candy for me forever and ever and ever. Amen.

And Mare had joined me in this, because Mare cares (cue Dionne Warwick song again) and we were both sort of waiting for this because it would be hilarious and awesome.

But no one ever admitted to doing this, but a whole lot of you had issues with them, and no one smoked them:

And then my lovely co-worker Frances Locke chimed in:

Whatevs indeed Frances. I’m happy your grandma has a box of discarded newborn flesh. Yay Grandma.

But my favorite reply of all had to be from our reader Tara who wins the entire Umbilical Stump Nightmare Award:

I’m pretty sure no one can beat Tara with this one.

(Image:  Matt Valentine/shutterstock)