This Mom Quit Her Job to Focus on Breastfeeding a 36-Year-Old Man

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Breastfeeding can be a uniquely rewarding experience. Sure, you have to wake up every two hours to make sure your little guy gets his milk on time, but it’s all worthwhile when he looks up at you with those big, sweet, sleepy eyes. Hopefully he remembered to shave, though. Nobody likes getting their nipples rubbed raw with beard stubble.

That’s right, Mommyish has only been back for an afternoon, and already we’re tumbling back down the rabbit hole into the mysterious and magical world of adult breastfeeding, thanks to Atlanta mom Jennifer Mulford, who decided to announce to the world, and PopSugar, that she had quit her job to focus on breastfeeding her 36-year-old boyfriend.

Breastfeeding really can be a full-time job. If you’ve got a cluster-feeding newborn who just will not stop nursing even for a moment, you might find yourself doing nothing but nursing and watching The Americans for what seems like months on end. The only problem is that Jennifer Mulford does not actually have any milk right now. She last gave birth 20 years ago, so she’s spending her days trying to induce lactation so that she can feed her 36-year-old boyfriend.

It’s been so long since Mulford had a baby that she’s not actually producing milk. Yet.

Because if Mulford has anything to say about it, she is going to force that milk to happen so she can breastfeed a man.

In an attempt to convince her body to start producing milk again, Mulford is “nursing” her boyfriend every two hours, as though he were a newborn, which means she is actually waking him up every two hours to feed. She’s also taking herbal supplements intended to boost milk production, drinking “Mother’s Milk” tea, and eating lots of oatmeal. Mulford hopes all this attention will get her producing milk any day now.

That all seems like a whole lot of work, and Mulford quit her job as a bartender so she can keep up her nursing schedule.

“I want to devote everything to making this work,” Mulford said. “Nights have been a struggle because Brad sleeps so peacefully but we manage to cope — until he falls asleep latched onto me, which is beautiful.”

(Via Giphy)

There’s something about the use of the word “latch” to describe an adult man attempting to nurse that makes me laugh out loud, and I’m working in a Starbucks and really can’t explain to people what I’m laughing at.

That said, a kink can be a nice thing to share with a consenting adult partner, and Mulford is really into this one. She actually was single when she first heard about “Adult Breastfeeding Relationships,” and liked the idea so much she set out to try to find someone to breastfeed. When she couldn’t find someone on craigslist, she contacted an ex-boyfriend and broached the subject. He was totally down for the experiment, and is now no longer an ex.

Aww. That’s kind of romantic, actually. Shared interests can be the cornerstone of a mutually satisfying relationship, and Mulford’s boyfriend is so into their new pasttime that he’s ready to start advocating for the right of women to publicly breastfeed 36-year-old men.

“If it was up to Brad we would, but it’s very private to me,” Mulford said in an interview with The Sun. “I’ll never say never but I love the time we spend nursing alone. It’s our time away from the rest of the world and I look forward to every feed.”

Let’s hope she sticks to her guns on that one, because publicly breastfeeding grown-ass men is not going to do anything to shore up the rights of women to publicly breastfeed actual children. I mean, I’ve long been a vocal proponent of the rights of women to breastfeed in public, and when I read that they were debating public breastfeeding I actually heard myself utter the phrase, “Oh gosh. Well, I hope she at least uses a cover!”

(Image: Giphy; originally published : Jun 10, 2016)