Math Problems You'll Only Understand If You're A Mom

You’ve had a hard day. Why not relax and flex your mommy math skills?

(Hint: Before you start the quiz, every “mother” referenced below is me”¦and possibly you).

1. A mother is sweeping the floor and collects a good pile of dust and dirt in the center. Her child notices a single green bead amid the refuse, and requests that the mother not throw it away. The mother acquiesces, requesting the child put the bead back in its box with the others, since she loves it so much. Given this information, how many beads are left on the floor?

a) 1
b) 0
c) 419754928671802702

d) none of the above

2. A mother gives herself one goal that day: do not consume any candy. In the house, she has six mini Hershey Bars and a bag of red hots. Throughout the day, she eats a good breakfast, taco salad for lunch, and drinks plenty of water both before and after she goes to the gym. She has a dinner of roasted chicken and potatoes, and a cheese/avocado/tomato salad. How much candy has she consumed?

a) None

b) One mini Hershey as a treat for doing so well
c) Some of the red hots because they’re tiny and have no fat anyway
d) ALL OF THE CANDY BECAUSE IT’S THERE AND IT’S PAST 9 P.M.

3. It is 2 p.m. If one child is running in direction X at 12 miles an hour, and the other child is skipping in the opposite direction at speed T-A, how many hours will the children spend fighting before bed at 9 p.m.? Show your work.

4. At 10 p.m. on a Tuesday, how much wine has been consumed?
a) None
b) Not enough
c) Too much
d) A glass

5. By the time a mother’s kids are aged five, how many f*cks does she have left to give?
a) 0
b) 0
c) 0
f) all of the above

ANSWER KEY:”¨”¨
1. c. Child picks up bead, goes to put it in the bead box, can’t get the box open, and instead of asking, yanks the cover off, spilling every single bead you’ve ever owned onto the floor of your home to be washed away by your tears alone.
2. d. All of the candy. For more information see answer five.
3. b. As soon as “a mother” hits post though, she’s off to remedy the wine situation.
4. The kids have approximately 7 hours to kill before they sleep. They’ll spend two of those eating, two playing, one cleaning up, one watching television, and one whining.”¨”¨That leaves them SEVEN hours to fight until bed.”¨”¨The running is irrelevant and not correlated to the fighting.