9 Reasons Mary Poppins Is A Bad Nanny Who Should Be Fired Immediately

Children should not be responsible for major household decisions. Regardless of what the New York Times says, children should not be in charge of buying multimillion-dollar properties, and they definitely should not be responsible for hiring their own nannies. Children tend to look out for their amusements and their immediate interest, and if you put them in charge you wind up with a nanny like Mary Poppins, and Mary Poppins was a terrible nanny.

1. A spoon full of sugar right before bed

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The kids are on an all-organic, gluten-free, sugar-free vegetarian diet for a reason. Now they’re definitely not sleeping because you’ve filled them up with processed sugar. And now that I think of it, why are they drinking spurious “medicine” out of nanny’s carpet bag?

2. Spurious “medicine”

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You’re fired, and I’m calling the police.

3. Who is this guy?


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Who is this strange man who has been in my house and running around with my children all day? He is filthy!

4. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

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Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious? Bitch, you said you spoke French.

5. Excessive snark

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Great. 20 minutes with the new nanny and now the kids are applauding sarcastically and rolling their eyes at everything I do. I might as well have just hired a blogger for this.

6. No respect for other people’s homes or possessions

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Just because you are sitting up as straight as Consuelo Vanderbilt while you do it does not make it OK to slide up the banisters in someone’s house. The rest of the staff has to clean that banister, and you just put your butt all over it.

7. Obsessed with mirrors

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The new nanny is quite conventionally attractive, but doesn’t she just know it? Who travels with that many mirrors? This excessive attention to physical appearance sets a bad example for both my son and daughter.

8. No driver’s license

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A big part of the nannying job is getting kids to and from their many educational, medical, and social appointments, but Mary Poppins not only does not have a car, she does not appear to have a license at all.

9. Never explains anything


This is not appropriate behavior from an employee or from a person responsible for childcare.

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