mommy wars

The World Won’t Rest Until Kate Middleton Has Carpool-Approved Mom Hair

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The Duke And Duchess Of Cambridge Tour Australia And New Zealand - Day 3If you have nothing better to do, why not pick a random mom and complain about her hair? Because, of course, the type of hair that a woman has is directly proportionate to her ability to mother. Granted, I am not talking about just any mother in the Great Haircuttery War of 2014. I am talking about the Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton.

Before we get into the nitty-gritty of this terrible tale, I have to say that I feel so sorry for beautiful, royal Kate and her adorable baby. Sure, they have all the finer things in life, but every eye in the world is trained on them and their every move. If Prince George doesn’t play nice with other babies, it literally makes headlines. That sucks for Kate, no doubt about it.

But back to Kate’s hair, a matter that will certainly pave the way to world peace—if only we can get Kate to do what we want her to do. Several pictures have circulated of baby George pulling on her long, beautiful, royal hair as babies are wont to do. I have long hair and had long hair through both of my pregnancies. I’ve had my share of hair and earring pulling, but it has yet to affect my ability to parent.

Critics, including Camilla Parker Bowles, have flat out told Kate to cut her hair, presumably into a stylish mom cut:

“Camilla has tried to help and advised [Kate] to go shorter and lighter,” a royal source said. “[Kate] has looked bedraggled recently and it’s not a good image.”

Jigga-what?? I don’t know if you have eyes or if you have seen photographs lately of baby George pulling on Kate’s long, lustrous hair (pictured above), but Kate is totally glam hot—a MILF, if you are allowed to say that about the royal family.

Other sources describe the hair pulling fiasco as:

The young prince gripped his mother’s locks in his tiny fingers and even inserted her hair into his mouth as they arrived at Government House in Wellington on Wednesday.

Did you catch that? He EVEN inserted the hair into his MOUTH. I am pretty sure that a baby has never done this before in the history of the world, which means that Prince George is either very advanced or Kate Middleton is a terrible mother. You be the judge.

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Yes, bitching about Kate Middleton’s long, gorgeous hair totally makes sense as a valid global issue. I can’t wait to see a Change.org petition circulate on Facebook to force Kate into an appropriate haircut for a mom.

(Image: getty)