If You Aren’t Wearing One Of These Hot New Mom Hairstyles, You Will Never Be Hot
Even though it’s freezing outside, I know all you fashion forward mamas are already looking forward to spring and some hot sexy new hairstyles that you can use to give your appearance a boost. Caring for newborns and babies and toddlers is hard, and I know it can be challenging to look put together when you have a million things to do including filling out yet another permission slip for your kid to go to the zoo and forget the 20 dollars you were giving them for the gift shop and not be able to buy one of those alligator grabber things they can use for terrorizing their little siblings with.
So if you are interested in updating your spring look, why not try one of these hot sexy hairstyles that every new mom can use?
1: The Twistie TieÂ
This look is fabulous for when you are changing a diaper from hell and you have long hair and you don’t want your hair um, getting into anything. Moms never have hair binders because their kids always steal them (Tips: Look for your kid’s Barbie Doll or your older kid’s Japanese flash cards because they are probably securing those) so you can always use a bread twisty tie in a pinch. Those are always all over your floor because no one in the house can remember to put them on the G-damn bread bag except you.
2: The ‘I Just Spent 80 Dollars To Look Like An Idiot’ StyleÂ
This look works great when you have your period and you decide you look horrible and you don’t have a baby sitter so you haul ass with your four-year-old to some fabulous salon all your friends rave about and your kid is a monster in the salon and keeps trying to sample all the Aveda products that aren’t samples and you are so distracted the stylist cuts off way too much of your hair so you have to walk around wearing mittens all the time to distract people.
3: The PinterestÂ
This is a great look for you to never do, instead just do the Twistie Tie and collect lots of amazing images of beautiful hair on your Pinterest boards that you will never recreate on your own head because of these fucking kids.
Â 4: Grey HairÂ
This is for being dead.
NO, JUST KIDDING. I love grey hair and I always have grey roots so last year I decided to bleach my hair snow white and use this Wella shit to make it grey and it looked fab for about a week until my not fully grey roots started coming in and my hair was the texture of cotton candy and I had to get it all cut off and I cried a lot. But if you have naturally grey or white or silver hair, you are the luckiest. Or dead.