How Not To Date A Single Mom
A friend of mine is a single mother to an adorable 3 year old boy. She had been dating a guy – letâ€™s call himÂ Jim – for about a month and he hadnâ€™t met her son yet. To prove that he was completely cool with her having a kid,Â Jim shows up one Saturday afternoon, completely unannounced, with a huge teddy bear for the confused toddler. This adorable little boy looked up at his mother and said, â€œMommyâ€¦ Who is this?â€ To which my friend responded, â€œBaby, this is Mommyâ€™s friend Jim. And he was just leaving.â€
Now Iâ€™m sure thatÂ he is a really nice guy. He just doesnâ€™t understand the ins and outs of dating a woman with a child. So to all of theÂ Jim’s out there, here is some advice:
1) You do not decide when itâ€™s time to meet the kids. Single mothers protect their children from guys they just started dating and you should respect that. If your relationship fizzles out a month from now, no mother wants their child saying, â€œMommy, whereâ€™s your friend Jim? I miss him.â€ A mom wonâ€™t introduce you to her child until sheâ€™s certain it will last a while.
2) Respect the rules. All moms have rules, for their children and their boyfriends. Even after a man has met your child, there are lots of rules. My number one rule as a single mother: No sleeping over! Even when my daughter was too young to realize what was going on, no sleeping over. A man who whines about these rules will be shown the door, permanently.
3) Donâ€™t bring a gift every time you come over. This may seem like an odd request, but how many teddy bears do you think a child needs? And you are not Santa! My child should not associate your arrival with presents.
4) Understand, you are not the most important part of your girlfriendâ€™s life. She has prior commitments. No matter how great the relationship is going, you canâ€™t monopolize all of your mommaâ€™s time. She has things to take care of. (By things, I mean the beautiful child that she loves more than you. Yesâ€¦ she loves her baby more than you! Deal with it!)
5) Kill the P.D.A. You might think itâ€™s sweet and flirtatious.Â Moms think itâ€™s completely inappropriate, especially ifÂ their children might see you. A hug good bye is fine. Any more than that,Â she mightÂ slap your hands like youâ€™re a toddler. And youâ€™ll deserve it.
6) Grow up, just a little.Â We realize youâ€™re still single and having fun. Thatâ€™s great! ButÂ most ladiesÂ donâ€™t want a phone call at 3:00am when youâ€™re leaving the bar. The kids went to bed seven hours ago and she’s been asleep since 11pm.Â Glad youâ€™re having a great night. Tell herÂ about it tomorrow.
7) RespectÂ the Ex. In a perfect break-up, no one ever sees their ex again. When you have children, you see your ex once or twice a week. No matter how much a new boyfriend hates the babyâ€™s daddy, Shut up Jim! This is the father ofÂ her child. If you want to have a future with her, youâ€™re going to have to learn to deal with him.
8 ) Have fun! Youâ€™re in a great place. You get to be the silly, fun and entertaining one. You donâ€™t have to discipline or change any diapers or argue over nap time. Enjoy it! Because kids are wildly entertaining and will play any game you can make up. A couple hours of hide and seek, andÂ they’ll love you more than a million teddy bears.
Busy single mom, but ready to get back into the dating world? Visit our sister site TheGlossâ€™ dating page, brought to you in partnership with HowAboutWe. Save time, discover some great date ideas and meet new people.