Researchers Warn of a Flesh-Eating STD, So Pack It Up, We’re Done Here
Well, this certainly ruined my damn week. Listen, it’s hard enough out there for a single gal, what with all the dickholes you have to weed through. Now come to find out, some of those dickholes could make your genitals rot and fall off! Where’s the nearest convent? Asking for a friend. In case you missed this bit of absolutely horrifying news, researchers are warning of a flesh-eating STD recently diagnosed in the UK. I’m fairly certain I’ll be spared, since I’m currently working my way through the trash in the US. But still, not exactly the kind of news fans of casual sex want to hear!
A woman in the UK was diagnosed with the flesh-eating STD, known in science-y circles as donovanosis. Sounds … fun.
— CBS News (@CBSNews) August 23, 2018
I’m not sure what’s worse: that this disease exists, or that it’s making a comeback in previously untouched countries. According to the Centers for Disease Control, the disease was only previously identified in India, the Caribbean, central Australia, southern Africa, and Papua, New Guinea. But some poor woman in the UK now has it, and is on the news, and everything is so fucking awful.
Donovanosis is an STD that causes genital ulcers. Not terrible enough for you? Well, it also causes the flesh in the groin area TO EAT ITSELF. Also, ALSO, because it gets worse: it causes the groin region to bleed to the touch. But, dear readers, I have even worse news. OH YES, IT GETS WORSE.
This flesh-eating STD causes (oh god) lesions with a … beefy, red appearance. BEEFY RED. Your vag could look like ground beef and I hate myself so much for even typing that you have no idea.
The disease has an incubation period of up to 12 weeks, but other research suggests that symptoms may not start for as long as a year after coming into contact with an infected person. It can spread to other body parts too, like your mouth and bones. I am crying and gagging. Also, even though donovanosis is technically an STD, it can be spread with simple physical contact. I imagine the “bleeding from touching” doesn’t help matters.
The good news is, this flesh-eating STD can be treated with antibiotics. However, it’s important to catch it in the early stages, which might be the understatement of the year. It’s pretty rare, so it’s easily overlooked and misdiagnosed. So it has that going for it. Good times. That poor fucking woman, my god.
Moral of the story: don’t have sex, lest you wish to risk your genitals literally eating themselves and rotting off your body. Might I suggest a little self-love instead? None of these pretty sex-toys are going to turn your lady bits into Hamburger Helper.