Somebody Slap Me If I Spend $1000 On My Baby’s First Birthday

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The good news—my second son is finally turning one year old, which means I am done with the dreaded baby stage FOREVER. I can’t tell you how excited I am about this. The bad news—I need to start planning his first birthday party with some kind of cohesive theme that doesn’t suck.

I totally get that a baby’s first birthday is a joyous event to be celebrated, especially if it’s your first kid. But I will also acknowledge that a first birthday party is more about the parent than the child because the kid has no idea what’s going on anyway.

My first son’s first birthday was very, very exciting. I felt that we all deserved a party because we had survived one really intense year. I got on Pinterest and tried to come up with something ahhhhmazing—but then I realized that he was still a BABY without a clue, so I bought him a Sesame Street party pack for $20. (Perhaps coincidence, but he still has an intense Elmo obsession to this day.)

Son #2 is turning one in May, and I’m excited to use this as an excuse for a get-together for all of my friends and family. I don’t feel too bad inviting the same people to the same kids’ events that may or may not require gifts because we offer free booze and free food. No one in their right mind is going to turn that down.

As I began to research first birthday parties for my second kid, I came across this intriguing poll. According to the very scientific results provided by BabyCenter, 25% of all parents spent more than $500 on their baby’s first birthday. Most of the cost was sucked away on food, decorations, birthday cake, and party rental location.

I did more sleuthing on mom forums and found average spending at $250-$300. One forum mom confessed to spending well over $1000 on her party planning to date, broken down as:

I just made a folder on my pc to plan for my sons upcoming 1st birthday party and I’m already heading over $1,000 & haven’t included any food…

Tent rental: $400-$500

Pony/Petting Zoo: $300-$400

Birthday Cake: $100

Food/Beverages: ??

Decorations: ?

Edit to include invitations: $100

To that I must say an emphatic HELL NO. I want to have a great time and celebrate the last first birthday that will ever be celebrated in my house. I want to invite friends and family over and have a good time for all. I’ll probably buy a few decorations and make a birthday cake, but there’s no way the whole shebang will cost more than $100. Sorry, baby.