10 Treats That Are Sure To Get Your House Egged On Halloween
1. Pretzels
While as an adult I can appreciate having something salty to balance out sweet, kids don’t have the palate to appreciate such nuances. Unless they’re covered in chocolate, save the pretzels for your bento lunchbox.
2. Popcorn balls
They taste like Styrofoam that also has the power to break your jaw. Popcorn balls are only good for one thing on Halloween- throwing at siblings who try to steal your candy.
3. Cowtails
Helpful hint- if your Halloween candy has animal parts in its name, don’t hand it out.
4. Apples
Unless it’s covered in sweet, sweet sugar, don’t try to pass a typical afternoon snack off as something special.
5. Black licorice anything
Why do you hate joy? It would be less offensive to not hand out anything at all.
6. Non-candy items
Treats like stickers, plastic balls or erasers are gaining popularity in some communities due to the increase in kids with food allergies. While this is a thoughtful gesture, any brat over the age of ten won’t appreciate it, so try not to cry tomorrow morning when your car looks like an omelet threw up on it.
7. Old people hard candies
Not only are they gross tasting, they are choking hazards to younger trick-or-treaters. Thanks for making me feel like a monster when I literally have to take candy from a baby and they can’t understand why.
8. Circus Peanuts
Stop trying to pass packing material off as food. Even little kids aren’t that stupid.
9. Mounds
These taste like Easter grass coated with the bitter tang of indifference to the joy of children.
10. Homemade candy
While the effort is appreciated, unless they know you personally, most paranoid parents are going to suspect you’re trying to poison their kids. Buy a bag of candy at Target like the rest of us.
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