5 Things You’re Told As A New Parent That Are Total Lies

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new parent liesBeing a new parent is rough. It’s like being tortured by the world’s most adorable little dictator. Between the soreness, the sleep deprivation and the infant-imposed isolation, new parenthood can leave you feeling lost and alone. Which is why I think veteran parents like to tell these little white lies in order to make things seem less scary. But they’re complete and total bullshit and in my opinion do more harm than good. Here are some of the worst offenders.

(Photo: Shutterstock/Pixachi)

5. The first two months are the worst…

cranky baby

Whether the person says it gets better by two, three, six or 12 months, it’s total crap. Each of my kids were as different as night and day and there was never a cut off point where things became “easier.” Not only that, but this idea of the very beginning of motherhood being a torture-fest isn’t always accurate. Often the first two months are way easier than you imagine. For me, things didn’t get “hard” until they started getting mobile and I could no longer cart them around the house in a carrier or sling if I needed to. Every baby and every mother is different.

(Photo: Shutterstock/ Irina Rogova)

4. You forget what childbirth feels like

early childbirth

Come on ladies, we all this that this little piece of “wisdom” is ridiculous. Personally, I think moms tell each other this to hide the awful, disgusting truth. Childbirth feels like you’re taking a massive dump. The most painful, gut-wrenching dump ever.There, I said it.

(Photo: Shutterstock/auremar)

3. Sleep when the baby sleeps

sleeping baby

This is good advice, if you have a great support system and the luxury of time to sleep when your newborn is napping, but let’s be real, how many of us actually did this? There are these things called responsibilities, and they don’t go away just because our little bundle of poop and crying decides to zonk out for a while. Did I manage to get some sleep when my babies were napping? Sometimes. But more  often than not I was stuck cleaning spit up, or paying bills or trying to sex up my husband before he becomes so frustrated that he runs away to join the circus. Speaking of sex…

(Photo: Shutterstock/Olesya Feketa)

2. Say goodbye to sex!

parent sex

According the unsolicited-advice-biddie-patrol (which is so going to be the name of my new band), once you become a mom, sex will no longer be a priority. When I was pregnant with my oldest child I was told at least a dozen times that I wasn’t going to have sex for months. One person even suggested that I get used to “using my mouth,” because my husband wouldn’t want to have “normal”sex after my hoo-ha was “ruined” by child birth. And no, they weren’t smoking crack (that I’m aware of). Obviously this is bullshit. We were back to getting our freak on at six weeks, no problems. And even if you can’t get back  on the proverbial sex horse (another great band name!), there is nothing wrong with you and you AREN’T ruined. It takes time, but it will happen.

(Photo: Shutterstock/ Ditty_about_summer)

1. Breastfeeding is natural and shouldn’t hurt

breastfeeding baby looking at camera

I know that we’ve covered this topic quite a bit here at Mommyish, including an excellent post about it by Maria Guido, but I think this bears discussing again. Even done right, breastfeeding very well may hurt. In fact, it probably will at first. I think knowing this and expecting it helps new moms to push through. It’s not all rainbows and milk fairies. It can be hard work and no one needs the additional pressure of expecting it to come naturally and be pain free.

(Photo: Shutterstock/Oksana Kuzmina)