Is Your Kid’s iPod Full Of Satan’s Music? Pat Robertson Has The Answer

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Is your child being corrupted by an iPod full of Satan–literal Satan, not metaphorical Satan? Well just turn to a ridiculous old dinosaur who does not believe in dinosaurs, because Pat Robertson has the solution:


(Via Imgur)

According to Raw Story, a woman wrote in to The 700 Club to ask Pat Robertson what to do with her 11-year-old son, because the boy had “recently started listening to music that speaks of the ‘beast within’ and the ‘infection in people’.”

Pat Robertson basically told her she needed to hit the kid some more, and break whatever newfangled contraption the literal Devil was living in now.

“It doesn’t hurt to smack a little 11 year old around a little bit and say, ‘You behave, you’re not going to listen to that garbage in my house. If you do I’m going to tear it up and break those records or CD or whatever, iPods, however you get that mess,’” Robertson said.

I love that Robertson temporarily forgot what sort of devil music he was ranting about. Records? You just know Robertson just finally bought a CD player last week because he finally decided it wasn’t a fad, and now he’s pissed because he heard Fred Phelps had an iPod.

“I know he’s only 11, but he’s just a little twerp, and you make that little twerp behave,” Robertson said. “There’s a lot of evil in the world. And you have got to protect kids, and you have got to do it any way you want to.”

Of course, the day would not be complete without a bit of single-mother-shaming, so he went on to blame the woman, saying her son wouldn’t be listening to the Devil’s music (It’s Taylor Swift, right? It has to be Taylor Swift.) if she weren’t a single mother.

“The little kids wouldn’t do that with me, I promise you,” he said. “Big Daddy’s home! Wham!”

In summation: An 85-year-old man who calls himself Big Daddy thinks a good smack is the only way to protect innocent young children from Satanic iPod music.

Listening to iPods? That’s a paddlin’.