7 Ways To Answer The Dreaded ‘Are You Going To Have More Kids’ Question
If a ”Most Annoying Questions of All-time” list existed, then this question would definitely be on the list. Most people over the age of 25 hear it at some point in their lives. Practically every casual conversation about life and the future somehow leads to ”the question”. And while it’s typically not a harmful inquiry, it can make you feel angry or frustrated.
”Are you going to have (more) kids?”
Does this sound familiar? While some people are just asking an innocent question, others are actually saying:
”You just had baby number 4. You really should call it quits.”
”You are 35 with no kids. You better hop to it before your factory shuts down.”
”All of your kids are the same gender. You need to keep trying until you get it right!”
Everyone from relatives to strangers on the street have a vested interest in your family planning — or so it seems. But, that’s what happens when you are an awesome, interesting person, right? And questions about your kids (or lack thereof) will continue from now until you are retirement age. So, you might as well think of some snappy responses to entertain yourself in the meantime.
Next time someone asks you about having a kid, just say”¦
1. ”I’m not done paying for the ones I have”¦.”
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If you are already a parent and people want to know when you are having another baby, just let them know your finances are on lock for the foreseeable future. The expense of raising a child is a legit excuse for putting the brakes on having more kids. Mean? Yes. But, honesty is the best policy (sometimes).
2. ”I don’t know. What about you?”
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This comeback works best on people who are clearly past their childbearing years. When your husband’s not-so-sweet Grandma asks if you are going to start or expand your family, throw this response her way and wait for the immediate look of shock on her face. But, make sure you keep your poker face on so she will think you are serious.
3. ”Yes! And I have my GoFundMe page already set up for all future expenses. Would you like to donate?”
Everyone obviously wants the best for your future children. And, if a man can raise money for potato salad, then surely you can get a few dollars. Even if you don’t want kids or your family is complete, you will either shut someone up or score some cash. It’s a win-win situation.
4. ”Nope. Why would I miss 9 months of wine, sushi, and weed?”
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Ahhh, there’s nothing like throwing a random drug reference to confuse a tactless stranger. Imagine the look on the cashier’s face when you tell him a few joints, good food, and amazing wine is better than having another baby! But, be careful with this one. You might not want to joke to your family and co-workers (especially those who hate your soul) about a weed habit because getting arrested for drugs ain’t cute.
5. ”It could happen. I have been having LOTS of sex lately. I LOVE sex. I might get pregnant tonight.”
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If information is what they want, then give them TMI. This response will not only embarrass the crap out of the individual on the receiving end, it will also show how invasive the ”Are you going to have more kids?” question can be for a woman. Make sure you offer a hi-five after you say it.
6. ”I want to but I can’t do headstands. I heard headstands help keep the good ones in. Is that true?”
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Feigned ignorance never fails. If you are currently sans kids, throw this retort someone’s way and watch one of two things happen. Number one: The person won’t recognize obvious sarcasm and will avoid asking you questions because you seem like a moron. Number two: The person actually has enough sense to pick up on sarcasm and will avoid you to prevent another verbal burn.
7. ”Kids are not my thing. I do have 100 balls of multi-colored lint. Would you like to see my lint?”
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If you don’t mind being labeled as a weirdo, shift the focus from a baby to a completely random obsession. You can be a lint collector or the mother of 10,000 Venus fly traps. Just make sure you squint your eyes and look intense when you ask them if they want to see your prized collection. And, if you like having rumors about yourself float around, post it on Facebook for a great response.
Does everyone deserve your sarcastic replies? Of course not! But, for those who want to ask you about having kids as a tactic to pressure you into having kids, expand your family, or shame you into calling it quits, then let ”˜em have it. At least you can get a few good laughs out of situation.
(photo: Getty Images)
