9 Things That Would Make Pro-Life Con Even Better

By Eve Vawter | January 22, 2014

Pro-Life con starts today and reading over their website it just doesn’t sound like a whole bucketload of fun. Do you know what they have at Pro-Life Con? The Duggar family. Yee-haw. Pro-Life Con is the premier gathering of online pro-life activists. The event takes place in Washington, DC, and the event will have such features as “experts and legislators that will inform audiences about the cutting edge of the pro-life movement and provide ways to make a difference on blogs, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube and the rest of the online world.”

So basically they will be teaching pro-life trolls how to do better when they stalk pro-choice people online and tell them they are going to burn in hell on Twitter. I’m sure to some people seeing the Duggar family in person is a total dream come true, but here are 10 things Pro-Life Con needs to really make it a rabble rousing success.

1: Some of those nifty fetus dolls 

 Because nothing says carnival atmosphere and fun like handing these babies out.

2: A Dunk Tank, featuring some of their keynote speakers 

3: A performance by 80’s hair metal band The Holy Soilders

 Who will perform their fabulous “hit song” “See No Evil”:

The narrator of “See No Evil” is an unborn baby who sings Verse 1 from Mom’s womb, Verse 2 from “a pail”. Over the guitar solo, a digitally-manipulated voice says, “Mom, can you hear me? Mommy, Mommy, I’m afraid.”

 4: The Westboro Baptist Church

 Because there ain’t no party like a WBC party.

5: A Hell House 

 Because every pro-life gathering needs one of these to get their point across.

6: Food trucks 

Because nothing will make you hungrier than trying to find new ways to dictate what a woman can and cannot do with her body.

7: A T-shirt cannon 

You get an unwanted baby! You get an unwanted baby!

8: Encouragement dancers

To get people in the party spirit.

9: A No Exception Rape whistle 

Just so you can victimize victims even more.

 

(Image: frc.org)