Pop Culture

Ellen Is Not Trying To Turn Your Kids Gay, Because That Is Not Something That Actually Happens

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ellenAt some point, the anti-gay bigots are going to have to come up with new scare tactics. The whole, “Gay people are trying to recruit your children” thing is a little played out, don’t you think? Not to one op-ed columnist, who claims that Hollywood is trying to force gay people down the throats of America, as if a) they could fit, which they can’t because people can’t fit into mouths, and b) as if there were gay people everywhere and they too need to be represented on TV. Wait, that second part is actually true.

Larry Tomczak is, according to his op-ed piece in The Christian Post, “a best-selling author and cultural commentator with over 40 years of trusted ministry experience.” Sure. Tomczak’s column begins with this gem:

Recently my long time friend, Lee Grady, highlighted in print the deaths of notable Christians. Ann B. Davis, beloved actress, was one of them. Yet at the same time in a publication on newsstands is the headline that she was really a lesbian!


I don’t believe it.

Larry doesn’t believe it, you guys. How could Alice from The Brady Bunch be gay? Larry probably watched that show as a child. He may have even loved the character of Alice. And since Larry isn’t gay, there is no chance that Ann B. Davis was. He rests his case.

Tomczak springboards off of Davis’s sexuality to talk about how we are being “bombarded” by images and portrayals of gay people on television. Poor Larry can hardly swing a dick without hitting a gay person on his TV. Here are some of the examples he points out in his piece””Glee” features

“Glee” features over five gay characters.


Home and remodeling reality shows regularly feature lesbians and gays in partnerships exploring homes.


“Modern Family” features a gay couple who married over two episodes recently.


Ellen DeGeneres” celebrates her lesbianism and “marriage” in between appearances of guests like Taylor Swift to attract young girls.


“Dancing with the Stars” hosts a gay judge and gay couples.


“Biggest Loser” had lesbian Jillian Michaels as a role model coach.


“Scandal” has two gays.


“Survivor” and other reality shows regularly parade homosexuals as contestants.

Okay. First of all, Larry, if you’re surprised that there are gay people on Dancing With The Stars and Glee, then you have been living under a rock. I’m surprised that there are any straight people on those shows.

Second, gay couples buy houses. And they remodel. And they decorate; by God, do they decorate. Again, I think your expectations are a bit off.

As for the rest, yes, those are all examples of gay people on television. Because they exist. And so do a lot of other kinds of people who are different from you, however uncomfortable you may find that. I’m an atheist, but I don’t demand that the Christian Post be removed from the internet because I feel you’re trying to recruit me. And let’s be honest here — churches try to convert people to their way of life all the time and quite openly. Show me an example of a gay recruiting seminar and I will buy you a…what would someone like you enjoy? Let’s say a puppy, because everyone likes puppies.

As for your other arguments, they are hilarious. And I mean that in the most dismissive way possible. For example:

ALTERNATIVES – Purchasing wholesome DVD series and streaming selected programs are great alternatives. The Fugitive, Gunsmoke, Little House on the Prairie, I Love Lucy and other award-winning shows are all available and cheap. My son has two adopted young boys who are growing up with Wally, Larry Mondello, Eddie Haskell and the Beaver and can’t wait till the next episode!

So…guns and violence, and a wish to return to the 1950’s, when most women stayed home with the kids and segregation was legal? Ah yes, those were pretty dreamy times to be a white man.

LGBTQ advocates are extremely deceptive, sophisticated and strategic in working to lead a generation over the cliff to destruction.

Holy crap, Larry. Take your helmet made of tin foil and GTFO.

But the best response to this article has come from Ellen Degeneres herself, who took time out of her busy schedule to address your article on her show. E! News quotes her saying:

“OK, let’s just break this down. First of all, I’m not ‘married,'” Portia De Rossi’s wife corrected him while using air quotes. “I’m married. That’s all. And, Larry, I don’t even know what it means to celebrate my lesbianism. I mean…Well, I guess I do,” DeGeneres said, using an air popper. “Like that! Yay! I’m gay!”


“I’m not here to brainwash anyone,” she added. “But…”

While holding a spinning vortex, she said, “Listen to the sound of my voice. Attention youth of the world: I want you to live your lives being exactly who you are. Be true to yourself—the most important thing is to be true to yourself. The second most important thing is that you wear Ellen underwear and only Ellen underwear.” DeGeneres smiled and instructed her viewers to “look into my vortex and dance with me.”

See, Larry? Unless wearing Ellen underwear turns little girls into lesbians (and if it does, you have to admit that’s pretty amazing) then Ellen isn’t trying to do anything but be herself. All your article does is make me pity you. Children are going to be who they are going to be whether you and your ilk like it or not, and they deserve to be loved for all parts of themselves. Life is too short for this kind of hatred and bullshit, Larry.

And p.s., Ann B. Davis was totally gay. Sorry.

(Photo: Helga Esteb / Shutterstock)