Fertility
Anonymous Mom: I Used An Egg Donor Because I Wasn’t Comfortable With Adoption
I was 27 when a doctor told me that my mother had a better chance of having a baby than I did. I had a plan- get college degree, go to law school, get married, buy a house, have kids and live happily ever after. And life was going according to my very well defined, Type A neurotic schedule. After three years of marriage and much negotiation, my husband and I had agreed to start trying for a baby. My period had been irregular for a couple years . At the time I attributed both the odd periods and my frequent migraines to stress- stress of law school, stress of studying for the bar, stress of the wedding. Later I would agonize over these details- these symptoms of menopause- if only I had realized, would I have been able to get pregnant in time?
I went off birth control, thinking my body would need time to get regular. Two months later I still hadn’t gotten my period. I took countless pregnancy tests, hoping that maybe we got lucky. But when they came back negative, I went to my OBGYN. She assured me this was common and put me on hormones for a week with the hope that it would kick start my cycles. No dice.
And so I went for the first of many blood tests. When the results came back, my hormone levels were that of a woman in her late 60s. My OB was over her head and quickly referred me to a specialist. Fast forward five to six blood tests and two months and the answer was clear- my ovaries were cobweb collectors.
When I was teenager, I secretly felt that I was special, one in a million. It turns out I was right. Premature Ovarian Failure. My options were: A) adopt, B) be childfree (though not by choice) or C) use an egg donor.My husband was honest with me in saying that he wasn’t comfortable with adoption. He wasn’t sure that he could ever feel connected to a child that wasn’t biologically his and he felt that the waiting, possibly for years, hoping for a baby that might never come, could potentially destroy our marriage. Though I was angry with him for this, and called him selfish (as I am sure may of you will) I had to respect his honesty and his bravery in telling me this and for that I would always be grateful. And in my heart of hearts, I had the same fears.
