Anonymous Mom: I Used An Egg Donor Because I Wasn’t Comfortable With Adoption
I was 27 when a doctor told me that my mother had a better chance of having a baby than I did.Â I had a plan- get college degree, go to law school, get married, buy a house, have kids and live happily ever after. And life was going according to my very well defined, Type A neurotic schedule. After three years of marriage and much negotiation, my husband and I had agreed to start trying for a baby. My period had been irregular for a couple years . At the time I attributed both the odd periods and my frequent migraines to stress- stress of law school, stress of studying for the bar, stress of the wedding. Later I would agonize over these details- these symptoms of menopause- if only I had realized, would I have been able to get pregnant in time?
I went off birth control, thinking my body would need time to get regular. Two months later I still hadnâ€™t gotten my period. I took countless pregnancy tests, hoping that maybe we got lucky. But when they came back negative, I went to my OBGYN. She assured me this was common and put me on hormones for a week with the hope that it would kick start my cycles. No dice.
And so I went for the first of many blood tests. When the results came back, my hormone levels were that of a woman in her late 60s. My OB was over her head and quickly referred me to a specialist. Fast forward five to six blood tests and two months and the answer was clear- my ovaries were cobweb collectors.
When I was teenager, I secretly felt that I was special, one in a million. It turns out I was right. Premature Ovarian Failure.Â My options were: A) adopt, B) be childfree (though not by choice) or C) use an egg donor.My husband was honest with me in saying that he wasnâ€™t comfortable with adoption. He wasnâ€™t sure that he could ever feel connected to a child that wasnâ€™t biologically his and he felt that the waiting, possibly for years, hoping for a baby that might never come, could potentially destroy our marriage. Though I was angry with him for this, and called him selfish (as I am sure may of you will) I had to respect his honesty and his bravery in telling me this and for that I would always be grateful. And in my heart of hearts, I had the same fears.