Principal Sauron Suspends Fourth Grader For Bringing The One Ring To School
A fourth grade boy from Kermit, Texas, was suspended from school on Friday for attempting to simply walk into the classroom bearing The One Ring, forged in Mount Doom by the Dark Lord Sauron to give him dominion over all the people of Middle Earth. That’s right, the One Ring to rule them all and in the darkness bind them is currently in the possession of a 9-year-old boy from Texas. His classmates will be safe, however, because the principal is on guard against children trying to bring dangerous magic to school.
According to Gawker, Â 9-year-old Aiden Stewart had recently seen The Hobbit: The Battle of Five Armies with his family. Inspired by the tale of Bilbo Baggins, young Stewart went to school the next day with a ring and explained to a friend that the ring was magic and Stewart could use it to make him disappear.
At that point, someone interpreted Stewart’s words as a threat, and he was suspended.
According to Jason Stewart, Aiden’s father, the principal said that “threats to another child’s safety would not be toleratedâ€”whether magical or not.”
The story is ridiculous on many levels, especially since the One Ring has the power to make people disappear as in “make invisible” not disappear as in “removed from existence.” On top of that nerd quibble, the One Ring is fictional and does not actually exist or have the power to threaten anybody.
â€œI assure you my son lacks the magical powers necessary to threaten his friendâ€™s existence,â€ the boy’s father later wrote in an email to the New York Daily News. “If he did, I’m sure he’d bring him right back.”
While this is surely the strangest suspension young Aiden has ever had, it is not his first. The Kermit Elementary School suspended him twice already this year. Once, according to his father, Aiden was suspended “for referring to a classmate as black.” Another time he was suspended for bringing in a children’s encyclopedia called The Big Book of Knowledge, which was evidently verboten because it contains an illustration of a pregnant woman. A pregnant woman? Consider my pearls clutched.