The 10 Times Your Kid Will Need You To Get Up Thanks To Murphy's Law Of Parenting

Parents of small children don’t get to sit down a whole lot. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy taking care of my kids and I love them to pieces, but I need breaks. I also want time to get certain things done and also, for bedtime to be a bit more finite instead of multiple call-backs. It just never fails that when I attempt certain maneuvers, my kids’ antennae shoots up and suddenly, I am being beckoned. They just know, it would seem. Here are the times your kid will need you to get up, thanks to Murphy’s Law of Parenting:

1. When You Are Pooping

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I sit down to take care of business and of course, they call. Sometimes, it’s even because the little one needs help wiping in the other bathroom. Shuffling along with your pants at your ankles, holding it, is just such a low point as a human.

2. When You Are Watching A Live TV Show

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If you ever dare to watch something live instead of waiting until it’s on your DVR, they will be calling you back for a night-night encore.

3. When You Are Having The Sex

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Kids are the most amazing mood killers of all time. “Daddyyyyy…..? Mommyyyy……?” Their timing is impeccable.

4. When You Are On The Phone

My kids could be ignoring me for hours but the moment I talk on the phone, they are all around me either asking for things or ruining shit so I have to stop talking and reprimand them.

5. When You Are Eating Ice Cream

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Because it can melt. Duh.

6. When You Are Drinking Wine

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They sense that your butt has hit the couch and the cabernet has hit your lips and they just can’t take that knowledge- that you have finally relaxed. Come on, kids. I NEED THIS.

7. When You Are Just Falling Asleep

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I got jolted out of the beginnings of a Tylenol PM coma the other night because someone needed their night-light turned back on. It felt great and did not at all make my heart pound out of my chest.

8. When You Are In The Shower

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There’s nothing like hearing some kind of kiddie Armageddon going down when you are soaked and your hair is full of suds, totally unable to do anything about it. Uhhh, hang on guys! Try not to kill each other.

9. When Something Important Is Happening On The Internet