Your Kid Did Not Eat That

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Ahh, Pinterest. Nothing makes some moms feel crappier than browsing through a bunch of beautiful photos of expertly prepared organic snacks and meals that other moms allegedly feed their kids. I pack my kid the same daycare lunch every day: PB&J, a banana or apple, raisins and apple juice. Should I pin that?

I was overcome with glee yesterday when I stumbled across the Instagram account You Did Not Eat That. It’s basically a plethora of models posing with delicious fattening foods that everyone knows they don’t eat. I thought Oh my god – it’s just like all those toddler lunch photos! No way do the kids eat that shit. It looks too much like toys! So, thank you brilliant anonymous person who started the You Did Not Eat That Instagram account. You’ve inspired the first installment of Your Kid Did Not Eat That.

1. Your Kid Did Not Eat His Animal Friends


Pinterest/ Kids Activities Blog

Your kid did not eat his cute animal friends. He hid them in his pocket and they all live in a mold-infested wonderland under his bed.

2. Your Kid Did Not Eat This Treehouse 


Pinterest/ cookiecutterlunch.blogspot

Because, M&Ms. Also, why would you destroy the bird’s house? That is just mean and your kid won’t do it.

3. Your Kid Did Not Eat This Happy Couple


Who would break up this happy couple? Is your child a monster? No, right? She didn’t eat it.

4. Your Kid Did Not Eat That, Stop Trying To Force Her



Your child will go to bed cuddling this plate and you will have to sneak in like a thief in the night to remove it from her unconscious grasp.

5. Your Kid Did Not Eat His Only Friend



Look at this cute little guy! Your kid is not eating him.

6. Your Kid Did Not Eat A Whole Basil Leaf



Your kid did not eat a Caprese salad. Well, maybe he did. This person is clearly Italian.