{"id":76500,"date":"2013-02-25T11:03:20","date_gmt":"2013-02-25T16:03:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/?p=76500"},"modified":"2013-02-25T15:53:20","modified_gmt":"2013-02-25T20:53:20","slug":"i-want-a-baby-girl","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/i-want-a-baby-girl\/","title":{"rendered":"My Heart Sank When I Learned That My Baby Had Testicles"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"I

I know some people have the willpower not to find out their baby’s sex before it’s born. \u00a0I could never handle the suspense. \u00a0It’s the Capricorn in me: mommy needs to PLAN. Once I got pregnant, I did toy with the idea for a minute, collecting images of soothing, gender-neutral designer nurseries, full of soft whites and creams (seriously? for a BABY’S ROOM?) and earth-toned, unfinished furniture.<\/p>\n

I guess I never understood the reasoning behind keeping it a mystery. \u00a0I’ve heard “it’s the last of life’s really big surprises,” which doesn’t make sense to me. \u00a0I mean it’s still a surprise, whether it’s inside your body or out. \u00a0And it’s kind of depressing to think that might be the last surprise you get in life.<\/p>\n

My dad has an interesting theory: he says finding out ahead of time gives you time to have FEELINGS about it. \u00a0To spend the next few months disappointed if it’s not what you had in mind. \u00a0To be freaked out because for the last five months you’ve felt in your heart and soul that it was one and it turns out it’s the other. \u00a0He points out that when you have a baby, THAT baby is the ONE. \u00a0Drowning in hormones and love and exhaustion, that exact baby is the baby you never knew you always wanted, and you can’t imagine it any other way.<\/p>\n

Throughout five months of pregnancy, I didn’t really have a preference.\u00a0 All things being equal, I guess I was leaning a little toward a girl, but it felt minor, like it would just be easier because I am a girl and I would get it. \u00a0My husband, however, wants a girl like WHOA. He was convinced it was a girl from early on (based on exactly nothing), and I spend a lot of time reminding him that there WAS a chance it\u00a0 might be a boy.\u00a0 I wanted to prep him, to make sure he was at least considering the possibility. You know. The 50 PERCENT possibility.<\/p>\n

The day of our 20-week ultrasound (which is, I guess, when fetus nethers are big enough to be visible) is like Christmas morning.\u00a0 We are SO excited, and everyone is waiting on the news.\u00a0 As the tech moves the wand around, she seems perplexed.\u00a0 Our tiny person is not giving up the goods.\u00a0 The modest little thing has its legs crossed, no naughty bits in sight.<\/p>\n

In between attempts, she tells me to cough,\u00a0 drink cold water, walk around the office, and jump up and down, all in an effort to get it to move.\u00a0 After about a half hour of this — stand up, do some acrobatics, feel like a dipshit, and try again, the view opens up a little.\u00a0 She says, “I’m 90% sure it’s a girl.\u00a0 But just so we’re positive, go downstairs, get some breakfast, and we’ll try again.”<\/p>\n

A word of advice.\u00a0 If you are an ultrasound technician, DO NOT SAY SHIT LIKE THIS.<\/p>\n

A GIRL!\u00a0 We are thrilled. I will never forget the image of my husband actually skipping down the hospital hallway. We get coffee.\u00a0 We come back up, I lay back down, she whips out the wand again, and there they are:<\/p>\n

Balls.\u00a0 BALLS.<\/p>\n

One look at those tiny, blurry testicles and my heart sinks. I plaster on as natural a smile as I can muster, holding back tears. I’m so surprised at my response that I don’t even know how to process it.\u00a0 As soon as we get to the car, I burst into tears.\u00a0 I cry all the way to my office.\u00a0 I try to sound upbeat when I call my parents, my best friends, my brother.\u00a0 I am unsuccessful. \u00a0Thinking back, I guess I\u00a0was<\/i>\u00a0hoping that the citrus fruit cravings\/morning sickness\/sleep position preference\/height of baby bump meant a girl, as some people said. \u00a0I fudged my date of conception on the Chinese gender-determination chart so that it would indicate a girl. \u00a0I did, as it turns out, really really really want a girl. I just never admitted it.<\/p>\n

I spend about a week grieving this news and feeling like an asshole because of it.\u00a0 There are people, I know, who would happily take ANY baby they could get.\u00a0 Who would happily take this\u00a0very<\/i>\u00a0baby boy, and be overjoyed.\u00a0 What kind of ungrateful person am I? I have a healthy baby growing inside me, and I am sad about the clothes I won’t get to buy, the pink I won’t get to shellac my house with, the late-night mother-daughter talks I won’t have.<\/p>\n

It isn’t until I pick my husband up from a rehearsal at a middle school one night that I start to feel better.\u00a0 There has been a dance, and the kids are pouring out the doors waiting to be picked up.<\/p>\n

As I’ve told many pregnant friends since then, there is NOTHING like a 13-year-old girl in a sequined tube dress and four-inch heels to make you happy to be having a son.<\/p>\n

(photo:\u00a0dip<\/a>\u00a0\/ Shutterstock<\/a>)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I cried when I find out we’re having a boy.\u00a0 And not in the good way. I know some…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":21297,"featured_media":76505,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[7353,35101,145,4352],"taxonomy_info":{"category":[{"value":4,"label":"Pregnancy"}],"post_tag":[{"value":7353,"label":"gallery"},{"value":35101,"label":"having a baby"},{"value":145,"label":"pregnancy"},{"value":4352,"label":"ultrasound"}]},"featured_image_src_large":["https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/02\/shutterstock_127636583.jpg",500,350,false],"author_info":{"display_name":"Amanda Cane","author_link":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/author\/amandacane\/"},"comment_info":0,"category_info":[{"term_id":4,"name":"Pregnancy","slug":"pregnancy","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":4,"taxonomy":"category","description":"Learn how to combine pregnancy and good health. Get the best good health, pregnancy tips for women, advice trends & info\r\n","parent":0,"count":2199,"filter":"raw","cat_ID":4,"category_count":2199,"category_description":"Learn how to combine pregnancy and good health. Get the best good health, pregnancy tips for women, advice trends & info\r\n","cat_name":"Pregnancy","category_nicename":"pregnancy","category_parent":0}],"tag_info":[{"term_id":7353,"name":"gallery","slug":"gallery-2","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":7444,"taxonomy":"post_tag","description":"","parent":0,"count":2500,"filter":"raw"},{"term_id":35101,"name":"having a baby","slug":"having-a-baby","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":20,"taxonomy":"post_tag","description":"","parent":0,"count":361,"filter":"raw"},{"term_id":145,"name":"pregnancy","slug":"pregnancy","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":145,"taxonomy":"post_tag","description":"","parent":0,"count":706,"filter":"raw"},{"term_id":4352,"name":"ultrasound","slug":"ultrasound","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":4419,"taxonomy":"post_tag","description":"","parent":0,"count":26,"filter":"raw"}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/76500"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/21297"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=76500"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/76500\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/76505"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=76500"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=76500"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=76500"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}