{"id":161654,"date":"2015-03-26T10:39:04","date_gmt":"2015-03-26T14:39:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/?p=161654"},"modified":"2015-03-26T10:39:04","modified_gmt":"2015-03-26T14:39:04","slug":"stfu-parents-dont-brag-about-your-push-present-on-social-media","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/stfu-parents-dont-brag-about-your-push-present-on-social-media\/","title":{"rendered":"STFU Parents:<\/b> Don’t Brag About Your ‘Push Present’ On Social Media"},"content":{"rendered":"

As a member of both the Hallmark Generation and Internet Generation, I’ve witnessed the birth of many stupid, previously non-existent holidays and celebratory occasions. Most of these made-up events were inspired by consumer-driven trends, which is why so many pertain specifically to parents and babies. As we saw\u00a0last week<\/a>, there’s apparently a fauxliday for “milestone birthdays” such as “In & Out Day (9 months in, 9 months out!)”, so who\u00a0knows\u00a0where this path could continue. By now, most of us have heard of\u00a0babymoons<\/a>\u00a0(to be taken ideally in Mexico),\u00a0gender reveal parties<\/a>\u00a0(a sad example of advanced civilization), and even\u00a0grandmother showers<\/a>\u00a0(more on those in a future column), all of which have been getting incorporated into various brands’ marketing campaigns in 2015. But of all the fake excuses to (over-)celebrate a pregnancy, mother, or child, I’m not sure anything is more insufferable than the steady rise of the ‘push present.’<\/p>\n

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For those of you who aren’t in-the-know, push presents are given to mothers by their partners to celebrate the birth of a new baby. You might be asking yourself, “Why is it called a ‘push present’ rather than just a ‘present’?” I’ll tell you: The push present serves as a reward – a symbolic, expensive gesture – for women who have gone through labor. (One person on the Facebook page asked, “If you have a C-section, is it called a ‘disembowelment present’ instead?” Well, I don’t see why not!) The justification process behind the push present is that the quality of the gift must equal the level of appreciation that a husband (presumably) has for his wife for giving him a child. In other words, the present is fundamentally designed to be some fancy shit. I’m talking luxury names, sparkles, and quality that says, “You only wish your husband loved you like my husband loves me.”<\/p>\n

Sure, there are women out there who don’t call their husbands’ gifts ‘push presents,’ because for them, the real post-pregnancy gift was the baby, and anything after that was considered a bonus. When I asked\u00a0STFUP page members<\/a>\u00a0their thoughts, several women described their push presents as “a sub,” “a burrito,” “Poutine from Costco,” and “Dr. Pepper in a can,” while others mentioned keepsake necklaces their husbands bought them (usually containing the child’s birthstone and\/or engraved name), and that they feel weird calling them ‘push presents.’ But that’s what this new era of push presents mandates! In order for spousal gifts to transform from “Dr. Pepper in a can” to “BMW SUV,” there had to be some branding magic that spun societal expectations. Men had to learn that after years of buying their wives deli sandwiches and beer (or\u00a0lobster<\/a>) to celebrate the act of giving birth, they’re now expected to spend thousands of dollars on diamonds, cars, and vacations. So far, this plan seems to be working. When I asked\u00a0Twitter<\/a>\u00a0about push presents, the replies indicated that this upscale gift model has become the norm.<\/p>\n

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\u00a0Of course, there’s always a random outlier:<\/p>\n

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What can I say? I can’t argue with ‘goats.’ I might even want a few for myself, WITH diamond ankle cuffs. But here’s a reply I found interesting from writer Lyz Lenz:<\/p>\n

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Push presents have become the standard so much that any gift purchased for a new mom, either by her partner or herself, gets labeled as a ‘push present.’ The terms is so overused, it’s even been coopted by high-end brands looking to cash in on new obnoxious trends. (note: ‘FH’ is short for ‘future husband.’)<\/p>\n

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What a delightful, not-at-all presumptuous up-seller! I know the first thing I think of when I hear “wedding band shopping” is “time to start shopping for that mama within.” Another reader sent me this picture of an ad that she saw in a local magazine in Chico, California:<\/p>\n

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Ew. This tagline feels all wrong, and not just because I disagree with the message. I’m not opposed to a husband buying his wife a nice piece of jewelry (whether she carried a baby for nine months or not), but ‘babying’ someone doesn’t have to involve spending a lot of money. Or, to quote a reader and put it in other terms: “I’d take less umbrage with push presents if they weren’t becoming such a self-indulgent expectation.” Parents already have baby showers and gender reveal parties, so are the push presents as status symbols really necessary? And do they have to be discussed with such regularity on forum boards and social media? According to the new moms in today’s column, they most definitely do. After all, they earned it. Let’s check out some examples.<\/p>\n

1. Woe Is Mom: Push Present Edition<\/strong><\/p>\n

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Ughhhhh it is soooo boring sitting patiently at a car dealership with absolutely nothing to do except read a book, listen to music, or surf the entire internet which has all the answers to every questions in the universe. Like, HELLO, Melissa isn’t in the mood to just sit and browse current events or god forbid read boring-ass Wikipedia while other people service her new car. Couldn’t there be a nail salon in this particular waiting room for soon-to-be moms who are picking up their 6-cylinder push presents? Or like, a Kids R Us with a martini bar? That would be helpful.<\/p>\n

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2. Moms Are Winners<\/strong><\/p>\n

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I like the way Jaime calls her push present a “prize,” like she’s an Ultimate Fighting Champion. Did this sparkly ring also come with a diamond-encrusted heavyweight belt? Did she ‘push’ out her baby and hold it over her head while screaming, “GIMME THE JEWELS!!!”, just before her husband slipped the ring on her finger and pinned a big blue ribbon on her hospital gown? Did she get an engraved trophy for the living room mantle that says “Jaime Rules So Hard” on it? Nothing would surprise me at this point.<\/p>\n

3. Wait For It<\/strong><\/p>\n

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Okay, Amanda, I got you. You feel you earned something, and therefore, I believe that you did. There’s proof of it on your hand. But did it occur to you that giving birth to a healthy baby is all that some people could ever wish for, and they’ll never get it? Or if they do, it won’t come as easily? It doesn’t take away from your carat-laden earnings, of course, but maybe it helps to put things in perspective? Like, here’s an idea: Tell your husband thank you for the ring, and then keep it to yourself and wear it without flashing it in everyone’s face. I know it’ll be hard to pass up watching your friends admit their rampant jealousy on your Facebook page, but just think of all the dignity you’d get to keep. \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n

4. Cray Cray. Jel Jel.<\/strong><\/p>\n

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What is it about telling Facebook you’re cashing in on a push present and smiley face emoji that go so well together? And why does it irk me so much that Leah’s ‘cray cray’ comment to David, Brandi’s husband, elicits that\u00a0hilarious\u00a0‘jel jel’ response? Most importantly, why can’t Brandi just call this trip a surprise vacation? Why does it have to be labeled a push present? TOO MANY QUESTIONS. Enjoy your trip back to Southern California, Brandi. Hollywood knows all about push presents. You might even get a chance to pick up some new boobs while you’re out there. (I think they come with most spa packages.)<\/p>\n

5. The Worst Excuse For A Push Present Of All<\/strong><\/p>\n

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Hands down, the most excruciating faux-reason for getting a new car — ALWAYS an SUV, mind you — as a push present is that a woman’s “hubs” aka “hubster” aka “ol’ moneybags who better have a life insurance policy” just wants his wittle girls to be safe out there on the big, bad highway. This validation is often trotted out when a couple has daughters, because Daddy can’t stand the thought of anything happening to his li’l ladies, and a brand new SUV is just what the doctor ordered to keep them extra safe! You know what else keeps them safe? Tory Burch sunglasses. A Swarovski-encrusted cell phone case. Seat-warmers. XM Satellite Radio. And the new Maroon Five album.<\/p>\n

Godspeed, Naomi. It’s especially thoughtful of you to let the members of the ‘Pregnancy & Motherhood With Endometriosis’ page know all about your sweet post-baby ride. I’m sure the women who are still struggling with endometriosis on that page really appreciate the glimmer of hope in the shape of an $84K Land Rover. You’re quite the giver.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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