{"id":144450,"date":"2014-10-24T14:00:56","date_gmt":"2014-10-24T18:00:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/?p=144450"},"modified":"2014-10-24T11:18:06","modified_gmt":"2014-10-24T15:18:06","slug":"ridiculous-real-things-moms-say-to-kids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/ridiculous-real-things-moms-say-to-kids\/","title":{"rendered":"10 Ridiculous – And Real – Things We Said To Our Kids This Week"},"content":{"rendered":"

The most unexpected, hilarious part about being a parent<\/a> is finding yourself saying the most ridiculous, outrageous things to your kids<\/a>. Things you never imagined you\u2019d say, yet seem perfectly appropriate in the moment.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t know that \u201dDon\u2019t lick your brother,\u201d would become an important part of my daily communication with my older son. Or that \u201dDon\u2019t pee on your brother,\u201d would be said every night at bath time. Sometimes after saying something inane like \u201dShoes are not a hat!\u201d I sit and laugh at myself. Shoes are not<\/i> a hat. Indeed.<\/p>\n

After catching myself saying these silly mom-isms, I started wondering what gems were being said in my friends\u2019 houses. I asked around and amassed quite a collection. Here are ten of the funniest recent Mom-isms blurted out by my friends and family. I bet you\u2019ve even said one – or all – of these today.<\/p>\n

\u00a01) \u201dDon\u2019t wipe your nose on the couch.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"wipe-nose\"

(via<\/a>)<\/p>\n

Oh man, this one and its variants are on repeat at our house. You know how people say that moms are chauffeurs, cooks, maids, therapists, etc,? Well, they leave out \u201d\u02dchuman tissues.\u2019 My son is sure my hand, my shirt, or anything near him at the moment are made for him to wipe his nose on. Which reminds me that I need to get out my real tissues it\u2019s runny nose season.<\/p>\n

2) \u201dDon\u2019t pull on your brother\u2019s penis.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"harry-styles-pantsed\"

(via<\/a>)<\/p>\n

After putting the call out, my inbox was overwhelmed with penis-centric Mom-isms. I think every mom of a boy has their own bizarre and hilarious – yet necessary – penis sayings. \u201dDon\u2019t pull on your brother\u2019s penis\u201d is pretty good advice I\u2019m sure I\u2019ll be adding it to my bath time routine soon.<\/p>\n

3) \u201dThe dog doesn\u2019t want to wear Tinkerbell\u2019s wings.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"dog-wearing-wings\"

(via<\/a>)<\/p>\n

Growing up, my sister and I tortured our poor cat by adorning him with baby clothes and jewelry before stuffing him into a stroller. I guess dressing up animals never goes out of style.<\/p>\n

4) \u201dIf you\u2019re going to push your sister off something, push her off the couch, not the table.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"boy-toy-tractor-two-girls\"

(via<\/a>)<\/p>\n

Half my job as a parent is mitigating and running interference. Yes, my son ate a cupcake, but at least he had broccoli first. It\u2019s okay if he watches a show because he just read a book. And really, if he wanted to push his brother, I\u2019d probably just make sure he tried to be safe about it.<\/p>\n

5) \u201dDon\u2019t lick the bottom of your shoe.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"man-licks-shoe\"

(via<\/a>)<\/p>\n

What is it about shoes that make them so delicious looking? My toddler is obsessed with pulling off his shoes. If I don\u2019t catch him in time, he\u2019ll put one in his mouth and walk around, very pleased with his dog-like self.<\/p>\n

6) \u201dPoor potty, it\u2019s so hungry. Can\u2019t you give it some poo poo or pee pee?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"pug-in-toilet\"

(via<\/a>)<\/p>\n

Some of the most\u00a0 outrageous things parents say are during the seemingly never-ending stage of potty training. But all the bribes, coaching, cheering, dancing and silly chants are worth it in the end.<\/p>\n

7) \u201dNo. You\u2019re 9-years-old; I\u2019m done wiping butts.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"taylor-lautner-no\"

(via<\/a>)<\/p>\n

With a 4-year-old and a toddler, I\u2019m still very much in the butt-wiping phase of parenting, but I can\u2019t wait until I get to say my kids are too old for me to wipe them.<\/p>\n

8) \u201dI don’t think you need swimming goggles to stay safe on your bike.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"cat-riding-bike\"

(via<\/a>)<\/p>\n

One of my favorite things about kids is how they dress themselves. When my son picks out his clothes, he often wears all red (his favorite color), or a blanket as a cape. As far as swimming goggles go, I\u2019m sure if he had them, he would find it necessary to wear them.<\/p>\n

9) \u201dStop burping in your sister\u2019s face, put your penis back in your pants, and did you just wipe that booger on my carpet?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"angry-kid\"

(via<\/a>)<\/p>\n

Yeah, it sounds like mom is at the end of her rope and done for the day. Maybe she could use a glass of wine. Speaking of\u201d\u00a6.<\/p>\n

10) \u201dNo, you can\u2019t drink my wine.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"ramona-singer-wine\"

(via<\/a>)<\/p>\n

After the important work of keeping your kids clothed and dressed and fed, after getting them to school and back again, hell, after just keeping them alive, you are entitled to sit down and treat yourself to a glass of wine. The kids, however, are not invited.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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