{"id":136284,"date":"2014-08-09T11:00:39","date_gmt":"2014-08-09T15:00:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/?p=136284"},"modified":"2014-08-09T10:15:44","modified_gmt":"2014-08-09T14:15:44","slug":"parenting-a-toddler-will-make-you-drink","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/parenting-a-toddler-will-make-you-drink\/","title":{"rendered":"10 Reasons Parenting A Toddler Will Drive You To Drink"},"content":{"rendered":"

I am admittedly a bit removed from the life of parenting a toddler<\/a> (although, school age kids can still BRING IT when it comes to parental torture) but I remember it all so vividly. The irrational fits<\/a>, the picky eating<\/a>, the bedtime bullshit<\/a>, the messes<\/a>– it is not for the faint of heart, that’s for certain. Fortunately, I work in an industry that provides me with free alcohol on occasion and it worked out beautifully that I started there when my kids were three and 18 months. For those of us who consume alcohol, it is never more welcome (and arguably, more necessary) than when you are the parent of a toddler. Here are 10 reasons parenting a toddler will drive you to drink:<\/p>\n

1. They Put Objects In The Toilet<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"

My son loved to drown his Little People<\/strong> figurines. One time, he did it after his 3-year old sister had done a stealth poop and neglected to flush. Yup.<\/p>\n

2. They Do Not Want To Share Their Chicken Nuggets
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"

I knew my toddlers would never finish their chicken nuggets when we went out to eat and that I would end up eating them. All I wanted was to eat them before they were stone-cold and covered in slobber but they would yelp at me whenever I asked them to share. I’m not paying for them or anything, no worries.<\/p>\n

3. Sleep Is Optional For Them<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"

You might be ready to pass out standing up but your toddler has the fortitude of a prisoner of war and will outlast you every.damn.time.<\/p>\n

4. They Love Touching Poop<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"

Never leave them in their crib after you hear them wake up over the monitor. It’s for the best, trust me.<\/p>\n

5. They Decide When You Are Done Shopping<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"

It is true- you are the grown-up and “in charge”. However, once you’ve made a few idle threats of “leaving this store RIGHT NOW”<\/a> and counted to three a dozen times, it’s time to cash in your chips and go. Mom- 0, Toddler- 934.<\/p>\n

6. You Go At Their Speed<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"

You want to foster their independence but oh sweet Lord, watching a toddler “DO IT MYSELF”<\/a> is enough to require three glasses of wine later. You think they can’t possibly go slower and they top your wildest nightmares. Torture.<\/p>\n

7. The Messes
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"

Toddlers have a unique part of their brain that focuses solely on ways to make terrible messes. It is usually things that would never occur to adults. Let this be a lesson to you- lock away your flour, sugar, Fruity Pebbles<\/strong> and coffee grounds as securely as your household cleaners.<\/p>\n

8. Your Bed Is No Longer Your Own<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"

When your toddler has refused to go in their own bed for the umpteenth time and it’s 2am and you have to wake up in four hours, it is best to throw in the towel and bring them into your bed. Laying down with a tiny foot jabbing you in your pelvis is better than trekking back and forth across the hall, amirite!?<\/p>\n

9. Your Pet Hates You Now<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"

I know my kids meant well when they were little but our dog still made it his life’s mission to avoid them and hide. With good reason. They are older now but he still shoots me a withering glance now and again. I don’t think he will ever forgive me.<\/p>\n

10. THE NOISE<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"

I can remember turning to my husband and saying “we only have two kids but it sounds like an entire pre-school classroom in here!” when our kids were toddlers. All the ways they find to make noise just means I need more wine.<\/p>\n

(Image: racorn\/Shutterstock<\/a>)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I am admittedly a bit removed from the life of parenting a toddler (although, school age kids can still…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1000007,"featured_media":136297,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[77],"tags":[2455,35107,7353,16,112],"taxonomy_info":{"category":[{"value":77,"label":"mom fun"}],"post_tag":[{"value":2455,"label":"Alcohol"},{"value":35107,"label":"being a mom"},{"value":7353,"label":"gallery"},{"value":16,"label":"parenting"},{"value":112,"label":"Toddlers"}]},"featured_image_src_large":["https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/shutterstock_140728459.jpg",500,334,false],"author_info":{"display_name":"Valerie Williams","author_link":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/author\/valeriewilliams\/"},"comment_info":0,"category_info":[{"term_id":77,"name":"mom fun","slug":"mom-fun","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":977,"taxonomy":"category","description":"","parent":3,"count":448,"filter":"raw","cat_ID":77,"category_count":448,"category_description":"","cat_name":"mom fun","category_nicename":"mom-fun","category_parent":3}],"tag_info":[{"term_id":2455,"name":"Alcohol","slug":"alcohol","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":2519,"taxonomy":"post_tag","description":"","parent":0,"count":58,"filter":"raw"},{"term_id":35107,"name":"being a mom","slug":"being-a-mom","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":32,"taxonomy":"post_tag","description":"","parent":0,"count":535,"filter":"raw"},{"term_id":7353,"name":"gallery","slug":"gallery-2","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":7444,"taxonomy":"post_tag","description":"","parent":0,"count":2500,"filter":"raw"},{"term_id":16,"name":"parenting","slug":"parenting","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":16,"taxonomy":"post_tag","description":"","parent":0,"count":1332,"filter":"raw"},{"term_id":112,"name":"Toddlers","slug":"toddlers","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":112,"taxonomy":"post_tag","description":"","parent":0,"count":115,"filter":"raw"}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/136284"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1000007"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=136284"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/136284\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/136297"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=136284"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=136284"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=136284"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}