{"id":104481,"date":"2013-10-25T11:00:10","date_gmt":"2013-10-25T15:00:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/?p=104481"},"modified":"2013-10-21T09:53:49","modified_gmt":"2013-10-21T13:53:49","slug":"polyamorous-mom-kinky-sex-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/polyamorous-mom-kinky-sex-life\/","title":{"rendered":"Polyamorous Mom:<\/b> The Only People Who ‘Get’ My Life Are Other Kinky People"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"swingers

In college, I was always the wild one: always good for a laugh, or perhaps to flash someone.\u00a0 I had the bawdiest stories, the mouth of a sailor and an abundance of male friends.\u00a0 In those younger years, I stuck with my role of just being a little edgy for my friends, overly open and charismatic.\u00a0 As I got older and became a mother, I tried a lot of different routes to friendship.\u00a0 I tried to tell myself that I needed to settle down and fit in.\u00a0 My spouse and I tried church, and I felt uncomfortable.\u00a0 I tried to befriend women at work and found them a little quiet and boring.\u00a0 What really opened the door to wonderful friendships for me, was discovering polyamory.<\/p>\n

Since coming out as polyamorous to a number of my friends, I\u2019ve had a number of reactions. Some stop talking to me so much, some avoid the subject of relationships, and some will discuss it but with a hint of not understanding or disapproval.\u00a0 I\u2019ve found the people I can feel the most like myself around are other people like me.\u00a0 I\u2019d imagine it is this way for lots of people, homosexual, or devoutly religious or living an alternative lifestyle feel.\u00a0 Whatever it is that drives you, you find a place of understanding and one hundred percent acceptance with people who have the same core.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve found recently that my being poly also fits with my outgoing and free speaking personality and works well with the friends I\u2019ve made.\u00a0 Recently, I attended a \u201dladies’ night party\u201d where women sit about drinking and being sold lotions, potions and toys to rev up their sex life.\u00a0 Being a big fan of all things sex related, I thought it would be a good time.\u00a0 Quite honestly, I was flat out bored.\u00a0 The person I was able to bond with over this afterwards was a friend of mine I recently found out is a swinger.<\/p>\n

\u201dDo people really need all these lotions and stuff to get in the mood?\u201d I asked<\/p>\n

\u201dI sat there feeling a bit of a freak that my tastes are much kinkier than the people around me. Never mind mentioning having multiple partners\u201d\u00a6\u201d I lamented.<\/p>\n

\u201dI hear you, been in that situation before!\u201d She replied.\u00a0 Then went on to give me tips on the best shops for certain accessories I was interested in.<\/p>\n

Now I\u2019m not saying monogamous people can\u2019t be kinky, I\u2019m sure they are, but my bonding with other non-monogamous people is what helped me find friends into the same thing as me.\u00a0 It brought me conversation I might have not otherwise had, and greatly enjoy.\u00a0 Frankly, I like talking about sex. How much people are having, what they\u2019re doing, and things they\u2019d like to try. The friends I discuss these things with now in a free and uninhibited manner are my non-monogamous friends.<\/p>\n

My closest friends right now are the husband of another poly couple, and my swinger friend Lynn.\u00a0 They both ask details about my love and sex life, and share their own.\u00a0 Lynn will message me one night and mention Tony, her spouse, has just left on a date.<\/p>\n

\u201dHe better not be back within the hour!\u201d she writes.<\/p>\n

\u201dI hope it goes well!\u201d I respond \u201dBF and I are sitting around in bathrobes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201dYou should be naked!\u201d She quips back.<\/p>\n

It isn\u2019t all sex, though I love the topic, but a sense of deep camaraderie.\u00a0\u00a0 Man, to be able to just express yourself and your life without someone judging or not understanding, that is true friendship.\u00a0 The ease at which I can say \u201dmy boyfriend\u201d or \u201dleather wrists cuffs\u201d makes me feel all warm inside.\u00a0 I still maintain friendships with older friends, from high school and college but they have become more the \u201dfringe\u201d group of friends.\u00a0 The fringe friends ask about my kids and the latest PTO meeting and share their parenting stories, our old memories, and invite me to their weddings.\u00a0 I still value these friendships, but in a way I\u2019ve out grown them.\u00a0 I\u2019ve discovered while I am a mother, I just don\u2019t really like discussing little league that much.\u00a0 While I do knit, I don\u2019t really want to go into a dissertation on it.<\/p>\n

Not only do I not really want to talk about sports and crafts all the time, I want to be able to speak my mind and be heard.\u00a0 One of my friends that remains close and is in a monogamous relationship\u00a0 is both a lesbian and a pastor.\u00a0 While some people might consider both aspects of her life an \u201d\u02dcalternate\u2019 lifestyle, it doesn\u2019t bring us any closer eye to eye on my being poly.\u00a0 She will listen to me, and be polite, but she\u2019ll also say things like:<\/p>\n

\u201dI\u2019ll officiate a 20 year renewal of your vows if you two can make it that long in this lifestyle.\u201d<\/p>\n

I know she\u2019s teasing, but I also know she doubts the way I\u2019m living. I wonder if I asked her, if it would turn out her closest friends are other people who relate to her.<\/p>\n

What I do want as a 30 something polyamorous woman, wife, and mother is to just be myself.\u00a0 And if you can\u2019t be yourself with your friends, than who can you?<\/p>\n

(Image: Tumblr)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If there is one thing I\u2019ve learned in the last thirty some odd years it\u2019s that friendships are difficult…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":21325,"featured_media":104491,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[1495,469,5415,35126],"taxonomy_info":{"category":[{"value":6,"label":"Stuff"}],"post_tag":[{"value":1495,"label":"alternative lifestyle"},{"value":469,"label":"friendship"},{"value":5415,"label":"polyamorous mom"},{"value":35126,"label":"sex"}]},"featured_image_src_large":["https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/10\/d17db0d9fe1bf43a2202e89110d749d8_large-e1382271061326.jpg",440,482,false],"author_info":{"display_name":"Polyamorous Mom","author_link":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/author\/polymom\/"},"comment_info":0,"category_info":[{"term_id":6,"name":"Stuff","slug":"stuff","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":6,"taxonomy":"category","description":"","parent":0,"count":8931,"filter":"raw","cat_ID":6,"category_count":8931,"category_description":"","cat_name":"Stuff","category_nicename":"stuff","category_parent":0}],"tag_info":[{"term_id":1495,"name":"alternative lifestyle","slug":"alternative-lifestyle","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":1556,"taxonomy":"post_tag","description":"","parent":0,"count":3,"filter":"raw"},{"term_id":469,"name":"friendship","slug":"friendship","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":469,"taxonomy":"post_tag","description":"","parent":0,"count":24,"filter":"raw"},{"term_id":5415,"name":"polyamorous mom","slug":"polyamorous-mom","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":5494,"taxonomy":"post_tag","description":"","parent":0,"count":16,"filter":"raw"},{"term_id":35126,"name":"sex","slug":"sex","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":125,"taxonomy":"post_tag","description":"","parent":0,"count":311,"filter":"raw"}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/104481"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/21325"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=104481"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/104481\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/104491"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=104481"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=104481"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mommyish.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=104481"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}