10 Treats That Are Sure To Get Your House Egged On Halloween

When planning a trick-or-treating route for Halloween, you know the houses you want to hit based on two things- how awesome their decorations are and what kind of candy they usually hand out. Just like you make sure the kids make it to that brown house on the corner that gives out full sized Snickers bars, you skip other houses.Those with no lights on, ones with tons of stairs or long driveways and the houses that are notorious for handing out crappy treats. If you awoke on November 1st last year to a front yard full of toilet paper and have no idea why, maybe you made the mistake of handing out one of these treats that are actually a trick.

1. Pretzels

While as an adult I can appreciate having something salty to balance out sweet, kids don’t have the palate to appreciate such nuances. Unless they’re covered in chocolate, save the pretzels for your bento lunchbox.

2. Popcorn balls

They taste like Styrofoam that also has the power to break your jaw. Popcorn balls are only good for one thing on Halloween- throwing at siblings who try to steal your candy.

3. Cowtails

Helpful hint- if your Halloween candy has animal parts in its name, don’t hand it out.

4. Apples

Unless it’s covered in sweet, sweet sugar, don’t try to pass a typical afternoon snack off as something special.

5. Black licorice anything

Why do you hate joy? It would be less offensive to not hand out anything at all.

6. Non-candy items

Treats like stickers, plastic balls or erasers are gaining popularity in some communities due to the increase in kids with food allergies. While this is a thoughtful gesture, any brat over the age of ten won’t appreciate it, so try not to cry tomorrow morning when your car looks like an omelet threw up on it.

7. Old people hard candies

Not only are they gross tasting, they are choking hazards to younger trick-or-treaters. Thanks for making me feel like a monster when I literally have to take candy from a baby and they can’t understand why.

8. Circus Peanuts

Stop trying to pass packing material off as food. Even little kids aren’t that stupid.

9. Mounds

These taste like Easter grass coated with the bitter tang of indifference to the joy of children.

10.  Homemade candy

While the effort is appreciated, unless they know you personally, most paranoid parents are going to suspect you’re trying to poison their kids. Buy a bag of candy at Target like the rest of us.

(Image: Shutterstock.com)