7 Non-Negotiable Truths In The Working Mom Vs. SAHM Wars

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4.  We have the right to change our mind. 

When my son was born I thought it was most important to be home with him.  I was raised by a waitress and a cab driver – they took their shifts in a way that meant one of them was always home with me and my brother.  To me, that is what parenthood looked like, so I thought that was what I should do — always be home for him.  When my daughter was born I started to think about the example I was setting for her.  I wanted her to have the choice to have kids or not, to go to work or not, but I felt compelled to show her a working mom’s life.

We also have the right to redefine our work. I work during the week to support my family.  I work during the weekend and at night as a freelancer to pursue my passion for writing, which I hope someday will grow into a steady job where I can earn enough to alleviate the pressure on my husband as a sole breadwinner but also let me stay home with the kids more than my current job allows.  Unless there is some specific handbook I don’t know about (in which case please send me two copies), we are all doing the best we can, gaining information along the way, and adjusting our approach as necessary.  It’s not being contradictory to change your mind, it’s called growing.

5.  What we have in common has little to do with how we spend our days. 

Last year when I was home with my kids, my “mom crush” was a working mom.  We met at my son’s school and it was love at first day of phase-in, we had the same hopes and goals for our kids. And shared many of the same opinions of the world we were raising them in.  We also had so much in common from our interest in yoga to the cities we had lived in and the stories we shared.  If she had written me off as a SAHM with nothing to add to the conversation and I had assumed she was a working mom who didn’t prioritize her kids, we would have never become friends. She looked beyond the typical working moms versus stay at home moms thing and we both benefited. It’s worth it to keep an open mind and find people you relate to no matter how they spend their days, this isn’t something to frame as working moms versus stay at home moms.

 6.  Bedtime is the worst part of the day. 

This applies to any parent, anywhere, no matter how you spent the past 12 hours.  If you get home from work to put your kids to bed, it’s nearly impossible to transition from getting stuff done at your job, to negotiating with kids who don’t want to do basic tasks like brushing their teeth, peeing, and getting their pajamas on.  If you have been home all day, the energy needed for that last push to get through the nighttime routine feels impossible.  The tired after a long day is NO different for working moms versus stay at home moms. After a day of successfully negotiating meals, crafts, schoolwork, whatever, bedtime feels like it requires superhuman strength.  Every single parent dreads this time of the day and sends us all declaring we “just need a GD break.”  Which reminds me…

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