A Couple Wants To Give Birth Amongst Magical Dolphins And ‘Experts’ Are Being Jerks About It

This article will not only be informative but it will also be a plea that my co-worker Maria Guido, who is sort of refusing to give birth to the baby that she has inside of her who is now like almost a week overdue get herself to the ocean or Sea World or something and give birth amongst the magical dolphin kingdom like this couple from North Carolina want to do! Maria you still have time! I find this whole thing amazingly hilarious. I wish I could get pregnant so I could insist I have my baby amongst unicorns or raccoons or some shit, but noooo. I can only live vicariously though people like this who have much more amusing birthing plans than I ever did. From The Daily Mail:

Adam Barrington, 29, and his pregnant wife Heather, 27, told the Charlotte Observer that the dolphin-assisted birth will bring ‘peace, comfort and strength’ to the mother and her baby during birth.

But experts say that dolphins, especially in the wild, are unpredictable, dangerous and not to be trusted around a pregnant woman – or an infant child, for that matter.

‘This has to be, hands down, one of the worst natural birthing ideas anyone has ever had,’ writes Christie Wilcox in Discover. 

This is pretty much the best quote ever. Wilcox goes on to say:

She cites research showing that dolphins will ‘toss, beat, and kill small porpoises or baby sharks for no apparent reason other than they enjoy it, though some have suggested the poor porpoises serve as practice for killing the infants of rival males.’

So basically, no matter how many times this couple has watched Dolphin Tale or Flipper,  our dolphin friends may not completely enjoy them giving birth to a human in their pod and they may kick their asses for doing so. And the wife may end up having a sea-section while she is birthing Nemo. (Sorry, I had to)

The article goes on to explain that this couple at least plan on spending time at the The Sirius Institute in Hawaii, who have the purpose (Porpoise? stop me now) of “dolphinizing the planet.” She will spend a lot of time in the water trying to bond with a pod , even if she can’t have the dolphin midwife she desperately wants.

A lot of women have birthing plans that include playing a certain type of music or having the lights dimmed, I want all you pregnant mamas to get a little more ambitious with these lists and include things like dolphins, piles of kittens, magical rainbows, blue diamonds, yellow moons and green clovers to this list. Or you could just screw all that nonsense and go for the big-time, like this lady is doing that one of our amazing readers hipped me to and just plan on giving birth to a shark.

(Photo: Meme Generator)