I’m Not Afraid To Say That I Had Kids For Selfish Reasons
When I was first married, I didn’t give much thought to the reason that I wanted kids. I just knew that I wanted them, and I planned to wait until we were financially ready. Isn’t that reason enough?
After becoming a parent, I became more attuned to different parenting styles and perspectives. I think we can all clearly pinpoint parents that have their own agenda.
I can identify with some of this from my own childhood because my parents wanted me to be the perfect religious good girl. They got their wish, even though I was very unhappy at the time. I rebelled, in a sense, and started to break out of my shell in my early twenties.
Because of these overbearing parent models, like religious fundamentals and stage moms, it’s easy to criticize parents that “have children for the wrong reasons.” But what is the right reason, really?
Having a kid isn’t going to pay off for years when you factor in breastfeeding, bottles, baby food, and diapers. Even then it may not pay off because you’ll still be paying an arm and a leg for soccer camp and your kid’s college fund.
So what is the true purpose for having kids, besides a biological need to procreate? I can tell you that after some soul-searching, I know that my reason for having kids was selfish, and I’m totally fine with that.
I didn’t have a very good childhood, and I struggled with family issues. I’m not alone in this, I know. For me, I wanted to have kids for a second chance. I waited to find the right person because I didn’t want my kids to deal with divorced parent drama like I did when I was a kid.
But the reason that I wanted to have kids was because I wanted a family. I don’t think this is an unnatural desire by any means. I wanted to have people to love, and I wanted a second chance to raise kids in a happy home with a good childhood. I guess you could stay that I’m trying to make up for the mistakes of my parents.
I had kids for me, because I wanted a family. That may sound selfish, but I have yet to find a “good” reason to have kids.