Pregnancy

What Your Second Trimester Says About You

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Congratulations! You’ve made it through the first 12 weeks of pregnancy and now you’re probably starting to tell people. This is kind of awkward because technically you’ve been hiding something for months that now you need tell people. Like now. On the flip side, if you’re in denial about being knocked up, stuff is starting to get real.

If your morning sickness is starting to wane

salted pork

You’re high-fiving yourself on getting through what was definitely the most challenging part of your pregnancy and eating up scrambled eggs like nobody’s business. You’re sniffing large plates of salted pork JUST BECAUSE and delight at no longer nearing a faint spell when passing by someone with heavy perfume. Luxuries.

(photo: The Wilder Life)

If you can’t fit into your favorite pants/dress/blouse anymore

crying baby

Oh damn. You actually are pregnant.

You knew this day would come but you imagined it happening overnight, or perhaps in the span of a week. But definitely not this early. You thought that you’d just inflate before the 9th month and be one of those pregnant women who just saunters around in skinny jeans with a cute little “bump.” Now you really feel compelled to tell people you’re with child lest they mistake you for hitting the Nutella too hard.

(photo: Pedro Klien)

If you’ve started shopping for maternity clothes

maternity wear

Holy hell everything is ugly, you think. Haven’t enough women been pregnant over untold thousands of years to revolutionize this maternity wear market? You’ve probably found yourself weighing either a magenta jersey wrap around dress or some fugly empire-wasted knitted number that ages you about four decades. While you weren’t exactly looking to do a whole “Pregnant In Heels” wardrobe, you would somehow like to resemble a woman with child in 2013. Somehow, when it comes to maternity wear, that consistently translates into a hippie mama from 1974.

(photo: Queen Bee Maternity)

If you’ve started to develop “pregnancy mask”

horror face

You’ve started berating your sisters/mother/pregnant besties for not filling you in on this pregnancy gem. Why didn’t anyone tell you that in addition to losing your tummy, ass, thighs, and pelvic floor to pregnancy, you’re watching your face mutate too? You spend untold hours scouring over the same links of “darkened circles pregnancy” only to find the same completely unsatisfying tips about sunscreen and large hats. NOT HELPING. More Nutella.

(photo: the air in the branches)

If you’ve got new fun vaginal discharge

pantyliner

You’re stocking up on pantyliners, which makes you an odd sight in the “feminine hygiene” section if you’ve already started showing. In the checkout line, you imagine those behind you reconciling a pregnant woman buying a lifetime supply of liners with the no period thing. You contemplate turning around and actually explaining the HUGE change that’s happening in your body right now, but you get distracted by the array of candy bars by the register. Were those always here? Hey, let’s get ice cream on the way home!

(photo:Nina J. G)

If you have leg cramps that come in the middle of the night for no reason

cramps album

Everyone around you swears to have a cure-all method for this one. Stretch your calf muscles. Take hot showers. Take hot baths. Have an ice massage! The only thing everyone fails to leave out is that these pains tend to strike at four in the morning when your partner isn’t exactly gung-ho on the bath running or ice massaging. You’ve waddled out to the freezer a few times and fumbled with the ice cubes while you’ve watched some old episodes of “Say Yes To The Dress” on Netflix. But those tearful, bumbling brides seem to elicit new cramps elsewhere. Time to switch to “Cake Boss” !

(photo: gonkedglookedslurped)