What Your Kid’s Back-To-School Outfit Says About You

By  | 

3. Little Hipster


Allen Noche/ Pintereset

Being a hipster is about caring deeply about what you look like while trying to look like you don’t care at all, and these pants clearly say, “I give not a shit and my kid is super cool because of it.” Passive aggressiveness and the world of pretend are linchpins of your parenting style. Sure, your kid can do their homework whenever, as long as it’s now. You won’t pressure young Atticus to make the best choices, because you want him to be an independent thinker of thoughts that are only awesome ones. When it’s time for the school bake sale, yes, you’re going to bring in a box of Twinkies. But you’re not going to tell anyone that you had to go to three different stores and finally ended up buying them at Target. Your life is exhausting.

4. Pseudo Tough

Vittoria Danese/ Pinterest

The world is messed up, kid. Now get into your organic percale bedding and go night-night. Hell yes, you’re all about teaching your kids tough life truths and exposing them to speed metal, as long as that Metallica t-shirt is made from organic, fair trade cotton. Also, you own two cars but you take your kid to school on the bus, because fuck the man. You believe in being brutally honest with your kids, and you want their clothes to show that they understand that the world is cold and dark until we are released by sweet death. Yes, your kid is going to be a bad ass just like you. And you’re going to go buy them a Jack Kerouac novel just as soon as you’re done eating your Cinnabon.

5. Mini Me


BigLikeImages/ Shutterstock

There’s a parenting style called, “narcissistic parenting.” If you dress yourself and your three children in the same outfit on a regular basis, then that, my friend, is all you. You believe a family should be a unit, and by unit you mean like a pallet of waffles from Costco: identical, and packaged closely together. Some might say it’s time for you to cut the cord, but you just love your kids…a lot. Like, a lot a lot. They do no wrong because they are you. You are them. Your strength as a parent is your love for your kids. Your weakness? Boundaries.

Pages: 1 2