What Your First Trimester Says About You

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Pregnancy is different for all ladies, which means that you could be nauseous and barfing up a storm while your sister is all glowy and goddess-like. While growing a human may be an incredibly varied experience, the symptoms have the tendency to unify us into precisely one state of mind. First timester, here we go.

If you’ve got morning sickness up the wazoo


You spend most of your time praying to the porcelain gods that this agony means that you’ll have relatively easy labor. You make secret deals with various deities that if you don’t throw up this afternoon, you swear you’ll get on that whole prenatal yoga thing. But even the thought of a downward dog makes you feel not so swell.

(photo: soapywater)

If you’re so tired that you need man carriers

queen elizabethPeople tell you to take it easy but they don’t understand that you’re already taking approximately 42 naps a day. Standing beside the coffee maker and snoozing on the fridge totally counts. As does those momentary lapses in the shower. Taking it even easier would mean being carted around throughout the day Queen Elizabeth style. Which wouldn’t be so bad about now.

If you can’t clear an hour without peeing

pregnant announcement

To anyone you haven’t told yet that you’re expecting, you assume that your frequent trips to the ladies’ are the biggest waving banner ever. If the rumor mill has yet to reach certain co-workers and family members that you’re knocked up, you imagine that your 20-minute trips to the potty are the pregnancy announcement you now don’t need to bother with. Even that or they think you’re hungover.

(photo: TAG ur it Photography)

If you’re like, whoa my boobs hurt

topless barbie

It’s like 24/7 period time. Perhaps you have some friends who already suggested ugly beige more supportive bras. If this is your first time on the pregnancy go round, you assumed you wouldn’t have to be doing the ugly bra wearing until later on. You’re sad to see your lacy favorites go. You hold a private memorial for them in your panty drawer.

(photo: sassyass_girlie)

If one piece of cheese smells like a cheese convention


You were perhaps a self-proclaimed foodie before you got knocked up, able to detect a hint of paprika or a splash of lemon. But at this point, if someone slices a banana across the street, you can taste the texture all over your tongue. You can’t believe that you once inhaled smelly stuffed grape leaves and ate onions all over your beloved salads. You swear off anything remotely tangy in taste — perhaps forever.

(photo: wallyg)

If you have no symptoms 

happy woman in field

You don’t have any idea what these pregnant women are always complaining about. Pregnancy is awesome. You feel great. People tell you look great. You eat great. You sleep great. You’re powering through onesie shopping like nobody’s business, testing baby slings and shit with the baby toys you’ve already purchases. All your clothes still fit and people look you up and down with the “where’s the bump?” inquiry. Giggles, giggles, oh why thank you.

Basically, all your mommy friends hate you.

(photo: FWStudio / Shutterstock)