Anonymous Mom: What I Wish I Could Post To Facebook About My Pregnancy

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I am using my Teen Magazine knowledge from high school to remind myself that less is more. Tinted moisturizer, eyeliner, mascara, highlighter—bare bones stuff for me. I got a great haircut and that’s the best I can do. I just walk tall and remind myself about 8,000 times per day that I am pregnant, not fat and that the three a.m. milk cravings are excellent for my baby’s bones. He will be fucking superhuman, I tell myself. I mean, it is skim milk for Christ’s sake. But then I see a photo and the slight indentation indicating a double chin around my jawline…and I am out of my mind with worry. “What’s next? Mom jeans? Wearing running shoes around town for no reason? Neglecting my brows???” Men can’t understand this shit, and the crunchy women can step off—clearly I am not referencing you. Go eat a granola bar.

In short, I would keep it real and be honest with folks, because I think we deserve it. Sometimes I wonder if older generations feel content to dupe us with the vagueness of their language just so they can squeeze a grandchild or two out of us… and sometimes I wonder if it is just the hormones making me borderline paranoid. Either way, let the specifics roll forth, if even in a page or blog you administer. The details matter my friends.

Send your own Anonymous Mom submission of 600-800 words to editor(AT)mommyish(dot)com.

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