being a mom

I Want the Sexy Back in My Sex Life Not This Bad Phase I’m Stuck In

By  | 

I adore my two-year-old son. He’s the light of my life and the cream in my coffee (if I drank coffee.) I knew when my husband and I decided to have a child, our little guy would be my primary focus until he’s old enough to know that fire is bad and that the only girl who will ever be good enough for him will be no one. So, I’m not surprised that I barely have time to shower; but, I always thought there’d be time to sneak in sex with my husband. However, all we have time to sneak is a romantic cheese cracker from the kid’s Lunchable. I miss the sexy  connection that time affords us.

I like my husband. I like sex with him. I especially like sex with him when I’m awake.

I thought that by two years in I’d have mastered staying up later than my son. I have not. As soon as he’s asleep so am I. Motherhood means making sacrifices and my sex life and dental hygiene were the first two things to go. I want to enjoy my sex, not sleep through it, so private time with my husband now has a “take what you can get” attitude, and what we can get is a good five minutes.

 

 

“Honey!!” I rush into his office after breakfast. “He’s in his Pack-n-Play reading his stack of books—I’ve set up the video monitor—We have five minutes! IT’S GO TIME!” I yell in all capitals.

At first my husband looks confused, like I’m suggesting we invade Normandy, and then the recognition sets in. After our unromantic five minutes are up, I look at the combination of sweat pants, sports bras, and over sized t-shirts on the floor, and it looks my Grandparents melted next to the bed. We’re connecting physically, but our emotional connection is rushed, and hearing me cry out, “WAIT! Did he say ‘Mom, I need you?’” must distract my husband a little bit from his task at hand.

This is bad sex, isn’t it?

When this “bad sex” thought is posed to my husband his innate guy-ness shows and he responds, “Sex is like pizza. It’s pizza. It’s never bad.” So, for him all sex is good. And that’s when my innate girl-ness erupts, and I light a candle, put on Joni Mitchell, and ask him to vacuum the house for giving me such a typical guy answer.

I don’t want to be one of those couples that’s all kid and no “us.” I don’t want to wake up late one morning (well, yes I desperately want to wake up late one morning) and realize our connection is gone because we just couldn’t keep it up—we couldn’t foster “us” with all the play-dates, and school dates, and dates with my own pillow. I’m hoping that being aware of this and talking through it will be enough for now.

Being a mom has taught me many things (other than the fact that I can nap anywhere), and one thing it has taught me is that life goes in phases. I am choosing to look at this one stage—a rushed stage perhaps but a stage like any other in my life as a mom.

Even though I’m not loving our sex life now, I do get that one day our two-year-old will be in school and hopefully then my husband and I will have more time for each other.

I’m optimistic that this truly is just a bad pizza phase in our love life.

Hopefully, he and I can look back and laugh about this chapter of our relationship while lounging around in bed listening to Joni Mitchell—totally naked. And eating pizza.

Unless we have another baby…

(Image: iStock / IuriiSokolov)