Wannabe Comedian Puts Wife Up For Sale on Ebay with the Used Cars

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ebay image

Because “Take my wife, please!” is the freshest and most original of jokes in the world, a British dude decided to embarrass his wife this week by listing her for sale on eBay with the used cars.

According to Pioneer News, Simone  Simon O’Kane from Yorkshire came home one day and said he wasn’t feeling well. His 27-year-old wife, Leandra, who also works, was apparently not concerned enough about the devastating illness that was sure to leave her a widow with two small children in just moments. She told him that if he was going to go to the gym for four hours at a time after work, he was obviously well enough that he didn’t need her sympathy.

O’Kane says he was grumpy about her “unsympathetic attitude” to his moaning, so he decided to get back at her by posting her for sale on eBay.

“‘I thought, ‘right I’m going to put you up for sale’,” he said.

He wrote up his, “Used Wife” ad and posted it on eBay as though she were a car.

“For sale one wife,” he wrote. “Not new has been used but still got some good miles left in her. Reason for selling… I’ve had my fill and feel like there has to be someone me (oh dear God please let there be).:”

That line’s a little bleak for something that’s supposed to be a funny joke, no?

“Good points: Body work and paint work still in decent shape and has some skills in the kitchen,” he wrote. “Bad points: Often makes this noise that cannot be silenced unless you order brand new shiny parts of metal.”
“Sometimes them [sic] skills in the kitchen result in you ending up in hospital. All in all not a bad model for the year, I’m sure some lucky guy will get lots of use. Offers welcome, may consider a part exchange for a younger model,”

The auction went up to over $87,000 before eBay took it down for being an obvious joke ad. The bids weren’t real, but they did receive a bunch of pervy messages asking for intimate details about Leandra and for Simon to send more pictures.

Simon did not, however, tell his wife what he was doing. She only found out about it the next day, as did everyone at her place of work. Her coworkers thought it was hilarious, and she says everyone was laughing at her.

“I was absolutely fuming – I wanted to kill him. Everyone at work saw it and were laughing their heads off. Not only did he put me up for sale but he used such a bad photo,” she said.

This sort of thing could be funny if both parties were in on it, or if this were part of an understood sense of humor, but really it sounds like she was pissed off and embarrassed in front of her colleagues.

Leandra says they’re all good now, and she announced to Simon that he’ll be making it up to her because she’s buying her Christmas present–a designer bag she’d wanted–for her November birthday instead so she can have it earlier.

She also got a bit of her own back at him when she told the reporters at Express that her husband is a giant, moaning baby.

“He always moans he’s poorly, he’s a hypochondriac, then he swans off to the gym for three, four hours at a time,” she said. “I told him if that if he can go to the gym then he doesn’t deserve my sympathy.”

Her ad basically writes itself: “For sale: Used husband. It makes this constant whining noise, but there’s nothing actually wrong with it.”