Valentine’s Day is this weekend, and if your family is anything like mine, then you too are anticipating receiving cards with little hand prints inside and boxes of chocolates you have to share with the pint-sized giver. While I appreciate the sentiment and candy is always welcome, gifts from toddlers are kind of a sham. They can’t read a card, or sign it with more than a scribble. My two-year-olds can’t even have conversation hearts, because they’d likely choke and that would get my heart racing for all the wrong reasons on Valentine’s Day. But if toddlers wrote those chalky but strangely delicious candy hearts, here’s what they’d say.
Because love is taking a child with you to the bathroom so they don’t scream their head off while you’re gone.
You don’t know what this gibberish means, but it seems VERY IMPORTANT that they say this phrase to you emphatically, over and over, increasing in volume until they eventually break down in tears because you don’t understand them.
You’ve had your suspicions that Grandma was the one who really had your child’s heart, so this just confirms what deep down, you already knew.
If your kid is anything like mine, they say this to you immediately after doing something they know full and well they aren’t supposed to. But the silver lining is that it kind of sounds like they’re singing Amy Winehouse, so there’s that.
What toddler doesn’t love a rousing game of seek and find with Mommy?
Remember when you thought life would be so much easier when your baby learned to walk? Between snatching them up to avoid the destruction of store displays and caving to their random requests to see the room from a higher perspective, I think I pick my kids up more now then when they were infants. Sadly, my biceps have nothing to show for it. My lower back is another story.
Deciding between letting toddlers try new things so they can learn versus doing it yourself to avoid the mess is what I call a parentdox.
Because your toddler wants to be clear– the fact that it’s a special day is no indication that you should expect good behavior from him. Easter and your upcoming birthday aren’t looking good either.
I can’t figure out if boogers are a toddler’s love language, or if using the sleeve of my new sweater as a tissue is just how the diaper sect marks their territory. Either way, it’s gross.
More food? More books? More cars outside the window? They’re not going to give you any additional clues but they will throw themselves to the floor and wail if you can’t crack the code, leaving you flying around the room sweating more than Tom Crusie in Mission Impossible as you fling toys towards them in an attempt to defuse the situation. This child shall self destruct in 10…9…8…7…
(images via http://cryptogram.com/hearts/)
(feature image: legenda/shutterstock.com)