If Toddlers Wrote Valentine’s Candy Hearts

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Valentine’s Day is this weekend, and if your family is anything like mine, then you too are anticipating receiving cards with little hand prints inside and boxes of chocolates you have to share with the pint-sized giver. While I appreciate the sentiment and candy is always welcome, gifts from toddlers are kind of a sham. They can’t read a card, or sign it with more than a scribble. My two-year-olds can’t even have conversation hearts, because they’d likely choke and that would get my heart racing for all the wrong reasons on Valentine’s Day. But if toddlers wrote those chalky but strangely delicious candy hearts, here’s what they’d say.

bathroom buddy

Because love is taking a child with you to the bathroom so they don’t scream their head off while you’re gone.

gibberish heart

You don’t know what this gibberish means, but it seems VERY IMPORTANT that they say this phrase to you emphatically, over and over, increasing in volume until they eventually break down in tears because you don’t understand them.

i love grandma heart

You’ve had your suspicions that Grandma was the one who really had your child’s heart, so this just confirms what deep down, you already knew.

no heartIf your kid is anything like mine, they say this to you immediately after doing something they know full and well they aren’t supposed to. But the silver lining is that it kind of sounds like they’re singing Amy Winehouse, so there’s that.

I hid poop heart

What toddler doesn’t love a rousing game of seek and find with Mommy?

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