No One Cares About Your Passive Aggressive ‘Vaguebook’ Status, So Get Offline

Sigh. Today has gotten the best of me. I’m just not feeling it. Some people just don’t understand how their actions affect others. Signing off now. Sigh.

If this intro made you want to punch your computer right in the monitor, then congratulations””you have social awareness. You have also just witnessed a perfect example of vaguebooking, defined by Urban Dictionary as:

An intentionally vague Facebook status update, that prompts friends to ask what’s going on, or is possibly a cry for help.

I hate vaguebooking so much I can’t stand it. At first, when friends began to abuse social media with purposely vague and ridiculous status updates, I was sympathetic. Sometimes I’d even throw them a bone by typing “???” in response to their stupid status.

I was trying to throw them a line and drag them back to reality. Yes, you are having a bad day or perhaps just wanted attention and didn’t want to write a Facebook status that made sense. Instead, you wrote a fragment of a sentence or a sad face emoticon or just posted three letters to hook people into paying attention to you: “UGH.”

You can still come back from this! It’s not too late! Once your friends begin to pour in and ask you what is wrong, here’s a novel idea””you can actually tell them in the comments to the thread instead of keeping up with this vaguebook charade.

But after years of experience, I’m not so forgiving. These same vaguebook friends refuse to tell people what is going on. If they are pressed for information about their #badday, they have the audacity to reply, “Message me, and I’ll tell you later.”

This makes me want to throw my hands up to the sky and scream, WHAT’S IT All FOR?!?!?!?! Fortunately, I have a better solution. If we can all band together, we can put an end to this social outrage. We can make vaguebookers accountable for their actions.

It’s time to make vaguebooking a punishable offense. At first I was thinking punishable by death, but that’s taking it a little far (no matter how much these fuckers annoy me). Vaguebooking shall henceforth be punishable with a hefty fine and years of public embarrassment. If you want to avoid this shameful verdict, there is a simple solution: Stop vaguebooking. Stop it right now.

(Image: lekcej/Shutterstock)