8 Things No Parent Wants To Hear About Their Baby Name Choice

Naming a baby is a lot harder than it seems. There are a lot of factors to consider and getting input from friends and family might sound helpful, but it could also open you up to a lot of unwanted criticisms and negative name associations. Everyone loves to have their say, even if it’s driving the expectant parents up a wall. Here are eight things no one wants to hear about their chosen baby name:

1. Oh, that’s…different.


Different can be a good thing, but in this instance you can tell that’s totally not the kind of ‘different’ they’re talking about. Don’t let the haters bring you down, unless you’re naming your baby Abcde. Then you could maybe let them bring you down just a little bit.

2. That sounds like a stripper name.


I hate this one. It’s so sexist and demeaning. No one ever says, “Oh, Channing? That sounds like a stripper’s name!” If someone says this to you, respond with a snappy ‘so, what’s wrong with that?’ and then see if their head explodes. It’ll be fun.

3. That’s my dog’s name.


You could’ve gone your whole life without knowing this, but then you started talking to the lady ringing you up at Target and found out your baby is going to have a lot in common with her Golden Retriever. Don’t sweat it; the name thing won’t matter and they grow out of the drooling stage eventually.

4. Oh my gosh! Four of my friends just used that name for their babies!


If you’ve chosen a popular name for your baby you probably already know that and don’t really care. Still, this person wants to make sure you know exactly how unoriginal you are. Adopt a monkey and train it to fling poo at them.

5. I don’t like that name. How about this other less cool name instead?


People who go with this response are pretty bold. They feel comfortable contradicting you and inserting themselves into your decision-making process. The person who says this is probably your mother. Don’t ask me how I know that.

6. There’s a [name] at my kid’s school. He’s the worst and always has detention.


Oh, well, thank you! I was worried I’d be a good parent, but now that I know my kid’s name will doom him to be the worst no matter what, I guess I’ll either pick a name with better associations or just give up now and accept our fate.

7. That’s my ex’s name. Total jerk.


Logic would suggest one bad apple doesn’t spoil the bunch, but people just can’t resist telling you about so-and-so who cheated on them 11 times and keyed their car and ate the last of the Thin Mints before they even got one. Just smile and nod.

8. You should name him/her after me!


Oh, yay. The most unoriginal joke in the world. I’ll get right on that.

(Photo: Getty)

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